The life of urban residents
The lack of physical exercise has gained popularity in many countries in recent decades, particularly citizens living in towns. Though this issue can be contributed for some reasons, there may be a feasible solution.
There are some reasons why the people of urban areas have no time to do the practice. First, living expenses are quite expensive in towns, so every adult always struggles with financial burden and they have to get stuck with work all day long to solve living expenses. They find it hard, with a tight schedule, to spend lots of time doing exercise. Second, the entertainment media in the city that people are just sitting somewhere and enjoying have improved massively. In fact, these attractive products such as computer games, movies can attract both the young generation and the old generation so they don't want to do recreational activities.
This problem has a few possible solutions. First, the government can take some measures to make people aware of the benefits of physical exercise like yoga, gym, etc. Because people would spend more time doing exercise since they recognize the importance of this. Second, the advertising campaign should be more attractive for people excited about gymnasiums, yoga, and some related activities. Actually, if people are interested in this advertisement, they tend to spend time and money to participate in it.
In conclusion, with a busy lifestyle in urban centers, more and more people are not getting enough time to exercise physically. But we should spend a lot of time doing the exercise because of our health benefits from these.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 The better approach to this essay would be to indicate how well you understood the topic in the prompt restatement. What you wrote as the restatement would have been more acceptable if you did not exaggerate the presentation by indicating countries, before going to the town level. The original prompt asked you to focus only on the city living or urban residents. Examiners hate it when you deviate from the original presentation by adding unwarranted references such as countries. This would have a direct effect on your TA score. Additionally, the original prompt asked you for direct responses to the questions regarding the causes and solutions. You should have indicated the topics that you would have been discussing in relation to these 2 questions in the final part of the prompt. The outlined response would have helped to increase your GRA score as your English understanding and ability to represent your thoughts would have been better analyzed by the examiner. These are the English comprehension skills that matter the most in the scoring consideration / process.
Your reasons need to be connected. The first reason should be a justifiable offshoot of the second reason. So, if money is tight and people cannot exercise because it is expensive to join the gym, then you cannot use entertainment as the second reason. If people can spend on movies, they can spend on a gym membership. The proper connected reason could have been:
Second, the people who can afford to join the gym, cannot go to the gym because it is already closed by the time they finish working overtime in the office. The people are too tired and too focused on earning money to afford their life necessities, hence they cannot find time to exercise.
Connect the 2 reasons, use a connected example based on a proper topic focus, and create a cohesive and coherent reasoning / causes paragraph. Do you clearly see the difference between your reasoning presentation and mine? The connected reasons are what helped the paragraph, in my version, to become more coherent and cohesive for the examiner to rate highly.
An academic presentation never uses the word "etc." either use a period, a comma, or a semi-colon, but never etc. That is too flippant and casual in word usage. Connecting words such as "because" should never be used to start a sentence. The word can only be used mid-sentence, to connect a given reason to a subject for the discussion.
Remember to use a comma when using clauses in a sentence:... and the old generation , so they...
When writing in a formal tone, do not use conjunctions. Always spell out the words such as (don't) Do not, I would, I will not.
