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IELTS TASK 2 - Discuss of improving public health is by increasing the numbers of sports facilities

roswita116 16 / 37 17  
Nov 24, 2019   #1

the best policy to gain public health

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Question: if I cannot finish my writing in a timely manner (40 minutes), what would you suggest me to do ? (For example, jump into conclusion directly or still need to finish at least one point of views ? Giving up to think synonyms ?)

I ran out of my time to finish this writing task 2. Some of ideas I really want to go through details but I did not have enough time to do so....

Nowadays, the issue of whether the best policy to gain public health is by establishing some of fitness or not is certainly a controversial topic to discuss. Some people believe that by doing so it must work efficiently. However, others,including me, believe that this may have few feedbacks on public health and that other means are essential to achieve. The following essay will illustrate my both point of views and give the reason why I support the latter one.

Building the numerous sports facilities will make citizens have more intentions to do the exercise. By doing so, some people may acquire not only healthy bodies but also fresh minds. However, from my perspective, without other ways to encourage people to do the exercise, some people may feel lazy after two or three months. Because nothing can motivate them to use the sports facilities, three or four years later, the public sports' space will become empty houses and no one use them anymore.

Therefore, if the government establishes some more benefits to encourage people to utilize the facilities, then rising the health of public is easy to achieve. For example, publishing the details of rewards that if citizens have visited public fitness more than six times a month, they can have 15% reduction of tax. In my own opinion, it is an active way to promote people to do the sport rather than just increasing the amount of sports facilities and do nothing.

In summary , I would therefore reaffirm my position that even though some people claimed that adding some of public sports facilities may improve public health ; Nevertheless, I still believe that they should have some other ways to motivate them to use facilities such as the tax reduction.

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,047 372  
Nov 25, 2019   #2
Hi. Thanks for your continuous participation in the forum! I hope my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve this essay of yours. Don't hesitate to approach and ask if you have any more questions.

Be cautious of the technical angle in writing. The punctuation, spacing, and the general practicality of your essay writing should all be accounted for when you are writing. Try to be more formal with your language and manner of composition. For example, the last sentence of the first paragraph is still incredibly informal because of the manner of writing. Be more inclined to use more complex and academic-sounding words throughout to ensure that you will be received well by the readers.

Be cautious as well of run-on sentences that should be treated with ease. If we take a look at your third paragraph's second sentence, for example, it is clear that it should be instead two to three shorter sentences to create a more concise writing approach.

The last paragraph should be the merging of the summation and conclusion. While you have provided the summary, the conclusion part of this paragraph is still lacking because it is insufficient to merely make mention of things in this manner.

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