the purpose of going to an university
Many people believe that the main aim for university education is to help graduates to find better jobs, while some people believe that university education has wider benefits for individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People have different views about whether the purpose of going to an university is to offer paths to career success or to make positive impact on student individually and socially. While undergraduate education can sometime be useful to make oneself and society better, I believe that the chance it provides for newcomers to jump start in their chosen career is more important.
On the one hand, the aim for higher education is to build up their abilities from all aspects. Firstly, students learn how to become self-discipline through school life, and hence higher education can lower crime rate. Secondly, they could develop patient and persistence attitude via doing complicated school work, which they could find these personalities useful in creating new ideas, and then increase social welfare by sharing their invention results. Finally, with the experience of working on team projects with their partners, college students could cultivate well-rounded personality, which can adds to their social skills. It can therefore be argued that university education has a considerable impact on both individual and society.
On the other hand, studying in university enable undergraduates to find decent jobs more easily. Employers might consider academic credentials valuable since they can choose competent employees. In addition, students can obtain precious skills such as mathematical computation, statistics analysis and programming. By possessing these skills, students can tackle problems in a more precise way so that they are more likely to be employed by companies such as investment banks or software companies. I believe that this is the most vital thing that student can gain by engaging in university education.
In conclusion, I can understand college significantly affects people and society in many ways, but it seems to me that the working opportunity it gives to undergraduates is of greater importance.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Ryan, it appears that you forgot to present the prompt paraphrase in this essay. While you may present your personal opinion anywhere within the 3 body paragraphs, you must first fulfill the proper prompt paraphrase in order to prove that you have a clear understanding of the prompt requirement and how it is to be discussed. In this instance, There is no prompt paraphrase to be had.
You immediately launched into a personal point of view discussion without first explaining to the reader what the essay is all about. So you have failed in the task accuracy portion of this test. Now, if you meant to represent the prompt paraphrase in your first paragraph, then your personal opinion should not have been presented as a thesis statement. Instead, it should have been presented as a fully developed second paragraph. The proper presentation for this essay is:
There are two opinions regarding the intention of a student for attending university studies. The first point of view, is that students go to college in order to help them prepare for their future employment. While others think that college is only meant to help a student gain a better understanding of the world around him. It is important that these two points of view be analyzed for a better understanding of each perception. After such an analysis is done, a personal point of view may be developed for this discussion.
On the one hand...
On the other hand...
I believe that, based upon the provided information...
Your final paragraph, known as the concluding summary should not be the discussion of your personal opinion. As implied by the instructions, this is a 5 paragraph essay since you are required to present 3 discussion points in the body of paragraph. The personal opinion is never presented as a concluding statement as that paragraph is meant to simply summarize the discussion points in a manner similar to the opening paraphrase.
Ryan, I'm also preparing IELTS test. I also made the mistake of not discussing both views in this kind of article. However, I think your expression is pretty clear and that you could definitely get a good score after making some changes. Good luck!
studying in university enables undergraduates
Be careful of small grammar mistakes!!!
