Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 3


Should doctors either be engaged in more profitable activities or health-oriented



adambacon813 6 / 12  
May 25, 2017   #1
Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or be looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patients health, no matter how rich they are?

curing patients without charging money?



Whether it is reasonable doctor engage with a variety of profitable tasks when a doctor become wealthy. While someone argues that it is absolutely absurd a wealthy doctor is likely to be involved in money-driven activities instead of focusing on patients' health, I personally believe that wealthy doctors are doing the most right stuff.

Firstly, most doctors like ordinary people are eager to be wealthier than before, while, few others prefer to take good care of ordinary people, they are rich though. In most cases, world class great leap in the medical industry are achieved by wealthy scientists or doctors. And it is definitely supported by large amounts of funds which need to engage doctors with profitable activities. In other words, the doctors who concentrate on patients' health hardly contributing largely to human beings as they don't have enough funds to support their study.

The second point is it is the doctors' freedom to choose their activities, only if they obey doctors' ethic. Like us, a doctor can perform well only if they are engaged in their preferred activities. And pursuing freedom of wealth are dreams of most ordinary people, including doctors, which motives doctors to do better and better in their area to a certain extent. On the other hands, once they achieve their financial goals, they would, from the bottom of their heart, be willing to help others. They then concentrate more on patients' health, instead of pursuing money.

To put everything in a nutshell, pursuing financial freedom is a doctor as a human being normal desire. With this pursuit, a doctor can contribute society to the fullest extent by either breaking existing medical limits or truly focus on patients' health when they are free of finance.

okorobiadimma14 6 / 82  
May 26, 2017   #2
PEI, I must say that you have shown a certain level of mastery in this essay. Your points are well structured with proper transition words and phrases. Your conclusion is good except that you need to restructure the second sentence in a way that you can create a third sentence from it so that you would have a perfect paragraph. The only significant demerit of your current draft is in the paraphrase of the prompt. Your opening statement does not depict a proper thesis statement that introduces the points you skillfully developed in the body of your essay. This resulted from the fact that you did not do a good paraphrase of the prompt. Apart from these observations and other errors due to typos, you have really done well in arguing points. This essay should earn you a score not less than 5.5.
OP adambacon813 6 / 12  
May 26, 2017   #3
@okorobiadimma14
Thanks for your suggestions. I appreciate it. I admitted that I do have the weaknesses of writing skills you mentioned. I am trying hard to polish it up.


Home / Writing Feedback / Should doctors either be engaged in more profitable activities or health-oriented
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳