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Donating Fixed Amount of Income

ararara07 1 / -  
Apr 2, 2017   #1
'Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity'. How far do you share this viewpoint?

charity donation

The issue of donation continues to be widely debated, and giving fixed amount of income is accepted as dominated international thinking. While it is considered by some that charity supporting could be from other sectors, I personally agree with the idea that workers should afford some money for charity.

Firstly, it seems advisable that charity prompts a chance for people as doing good deeds. As we can see, this supports the others by providing aids such as meal distribution, school uniform allocation, or running fine-tuned social programme. In Indonesia, for instance, people tend to do public dues with fixed amount of money for every month owing to a social movement called Indonesia Mengajar -- a charity providing teachers for rural village schools in many regions of Indonesia. In addition, it might be seen that one major benefit of continuing supporting charity is occuring more stable financial condition for charity. In spite of merely small amount of money, workers invoke larger financial support thanks to doing it together for considerably significant impact. Lastly, it is logical to said that through donating their income, people more attach with others helped by them for more empathize.

I do appreciate that some people think differently, saying that financial income for charity can be afforded by sponsorship from companies, and donation is not workers' duty. However, I believe that this proportion could be unwise, considering the variety of advantages that donating fixed amount of income might create.

To conclude, it seems for me that giving our income as donation is the wiser option, not solely for chance of doing positive things, but also for charities' stable financial income and encouraging positive attachment.

Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Apr 2, 2017   #2
Lizara, when you are asked to discuss how far you share a point of view, your opening statement should indicate that prompt requirement by saying exactly that. By indicating that "I share this point of view to a certain extent", you allow yourself the freedom to discuss the pro and con side of the provided discussion. Within the essay that you wrote, I sensed the degree of your agreement with the statement. However, the essay does not ask you to totally agree with the given discussion. You should have also discussed why you don't agree with the statement, to a certain level, as well. That way, you deliver a balanced and informative discussion to the reader while allowing the reader to develop his own opinion without too much influence from your personal point of view.

Offering a personal opinion rather than the explanation of the public opinion in paragraph 3 would have been best in representing the disagreement that you have with the statement. After all, the essay is not asking you to discuss the public opinions and then your personal opinion. You were being requested to present your personal outlook alone as the agreeing and disagreeing factors in the essay. Further development of the personal opinion that you presented in that part of the essay was necessary.

Another problem with the essay is the way that you do not take ownership of the statements provided. The first person pronoun was badly needed in the essay. Rather than saying "we", it should have been "I" because the essay requires your personal point of view throughout the essay. Make sure to use the correct pronoun in the essay because that will not only show English comprehension skills, but also add to the authoritative voice of the essay as you wrote it. The prompt is asking you to represent yourself in written form based upon the instructions so your active voice must be used whenever possible in the development of the essay arguments.

With regards to your formatting, please remember that there is a 3 sentence minimum requirement for your paragraphs. Of the 4 paragraphs you wrote, only one paragraph, the second one, adheres to this prompt requirement. By limiting the sentences that you presented in the other paragraphs, you also limited the possibility that you might get a higher final score based upon your lexical resource and grammar accuracy considerations. Having said that, I believe that the most accurate score for this type of essay from you would be a 4. It would have gone up to a 5 if you had properly discussed the length of your agreement and opposition to the point of view as well.

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