Correct as many errors as possible. Thank you so much.
"Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed."
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
Ans:
Educational institutions, the pathway to success, are often held accountable in leading their students to victory. In order to achieve such expectation, these educational institutions are now infamous for imposing their ideal fields of study on students, regardless of the students' interests. Whether a student will succeed clearly depends on the future, and since nobody in the world can foresee the future, success and failure become the unknown. Education Institutions which cannot prophesy the future are supposed to nourish the talents of their students and not discourage their students from pursuing fields which are thought to be failures.
First and foremost, educational institutions which encouraging their students into pursuing lucrative fields such as medicine, law, and business might create upheavals in education system. For example, students who are not interested but coerced into studying those fields might increase the universities drop-out rates. These college drop-outs might create a disturbance in a societal structure in the long run.
However, success and failure which are closely related, are often the ramifications of one's action. A right decision would engender monumental accomplishment while a wrong decision would result in ignominious end. Ludwig Van Beethoven is often considered as the greatest of all composers. He was not born privileged, but this never hindered him from becoming a great musician. In his early 20s, he made a right decision by moving to Vienna to study music with Joseph Haydn. If Joseph had made a wrong choice and had discouraged Beethoven from pursuing music due to certain anticipation that Beethoven might fail in the future, the world would have missed the opportunity of listening to the popular works of Beethoven.
Although education institutions have a responsibility to clarify the vices and virtues of a course of study, they certainly do not have the right to devalue their students' interests. All students must have the right to choose their own futures. In fact, the students who have the opportunity to pursue fields of study which they are fond of doing, they would certainly live up to expectations. On the contrary, those who do not have the opportunity would fail due to boredom.
While it may now be evident that the drawbacks of pursuing an inappropriate course of study are too great, it should also be apparent that blindly reaching for success would lead to a student's downfall. In all cases, students should pursue in the fields which they are interested in, and not in the fields which they are likely to succeed.
Educational institutions, the pathway to success, are often held accountable inof leading their students to victory.
In order to achieve such expectation, these educational institutions are now infamous for imposing their ideal fields of study on students, regardless of the students' interests. ----------- you need to rephrase this sentence because your idea doesn't flow well... The reader is not clear about what you try to tell
Whether a student will succeed clearly depends on the future, and since nobody in the world can foresee the future, success and failure becomewould stay anthe unknown factor.
I think you should state your opinion whether you agree or not with this claim in a more comprehensible manner. You try to tell that you do not agree with the claim, but it sounds a little vague. Have a strong statement to emphasize your opinion. :)
Hi,
The essay was good, but I think you should revise the introduction because the ideas in the introduction were vague and unclear. You should reword the topic in an introdcution. U tried to do that, but it was not apparent. In addition, you should directly point out your opinion in an "agree or disagree" topic.
Hi, Duminda,
Thank you for checking my essay. I really need some advice to help me improve on my writing.
Hi Ahmad Zafari,
Thank you for marking my essay. I will make some changes. Meanwhile, I was wondering :
1)All students must have the a right . ( All students plural, can I use "a" right, or should I use "rights" as according to subject verb agreement)
Thank you once again.
sure Viviana... the best way I can.... :)
1)All students must have the a right . ( All students plural, can I use "a" right, or should I use "rights" as according to subject verb agreement)
u should use "a" instead of "the", because of two reasons: 1) you are talking about a right which was not mentioned before, so it is not familiar to use "the", 2) "right" refers to "choose their future" not "students". Ask yourself this question: which right? the answer is "to choose sth". The answer refers to just one thing.
Regards
Ahmad
Thank you Ahmad.
Now, I have understood completely. :)
