Nowadays, due to the development of medical care, human life expectancy keeps increasing

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer

Nowadays, thanks to the development of medical care the living standard of people are increasing progressively especially the human's life expectancy. While numerous people think that it will make a big problem in government budget but on the contrary I think it is more likely to have positive impact on our live.

It can not be denied that the effects of improved medical care on people live is really enormous. It helps us to have longer longevity with a healthy lifestyle. Therefore, the elderly can live a life with a comfortable mood and they no longer become a burden for their children. For instance if the elderly don't have a good health they must be based on their children in every aspect so their children can not be focus on their work properly.

Moreover, if the elderly people can live longer in an energetic way it is also possibility for them to contribute to the country with their knowledge and experiences. Hence, the budget is not a huge concern anymore since the governments are be able to increase the retirement age. For example after a really long time a scientist, a teacher.. may discover something breakthrough in their career and greatly benefit the country, that's the conclusion after many years of work. Besides that, increasing the retirement age also brought the country out of the shortage of manpower.

In summary, the consequences of developed medical care are a jump up in our society nowadays. Due to the advances in health services our longevity and life expectancy are now capable to a new level.

The writer has taken a general discussion approach to this essay. It is understandable why he may do that since he read only the topic sentence of the prompt. The general topic does require a general discussion as presented here. The problem, is that the discussion aspect of the prompt does not use a general opinion format. Rather, it uses a comparative discussion format based on the question: Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Seeing as how the writer did not address this question in his opinion + thesis statement, and the essay does not directly relate to the question either, the writer will receive only minimal scoring for this presentation, preventing him for receiving a passing score due to an irrelevant discussion response. This occurred because the writer did not read the whole prompt. He only read the general topic and assumed that was the total discussion, which it wasn't.