IELTS WRITING TASK 2: EDUCATION AND ECONOMY

EDUCATION AND ECONOMIC progress

Economic progress is often used to measure a country's success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country's success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

There are many factors to assess a country such as economic, health, technology, and human rights. The success of a country could be seen in several aspects but in my opinion, the education system should be seen as the most essential factor instead of the economic progress

The development of education, health, human rights, and technology should be considered as measures of a country's prosperity. Healthcare services and medical staff play a core role in improving people's quality of life and prolonging life expectancy. The development of technology makes it easy to approach the world and catch up with important information. A country cannot be flourished if the human rights are not guaranteed, oppression and exploitation, and gender inequality often only occur in underdeveloped and backward countries. Finally, the education system is the core that creates and improves the quality of the factors mentioned above. Without education, there would be no high-quality healthcare services, no modern technological equipment, and a very low sense of human rights.

The foundation of all countries' success is the education system. If the economy is very inflationary and difficult to curb inflation, the education system has made steady progress with scientific reforms. The education system is a place to train talents and new generations that directly contributes to the overall development of an entire nation, the more outstanding people there are, the more they will improve the quality of both the white collars and the black collars in the future. For the record, education is a direct influence on the health system, technology, and human rights, and at the same time the economy. An economist or businessman without inheriting a good education system is very difficult to bring off profit and easy to go out of business.

In conclusion, there is an extensive diversity to assess nations, but I believe that education is the best accurate measure of its success

These references should have been made an integral part of your opinion sentence. That way you would have clearly defined the upcoming discussion paragraphs. You could have earned more points in the TA section if you had created a more solid personal opinion. By the way, you should have double checked that paragraph as it contains some punctuation errors, or lack of punctuation marking at the end.

If your discussion focus was to be on education alone, then you should not have enumerated those additional considerations early in the essay. You will lose points for presenting an under developed essay. This is not a well developed, nor properly connected discussion presentation. You might get a low score for this presentation since it is a bit confusing to understand.