IELTS- effects advertisement on consumer goods sale

advertisements influence on buyers

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this digital world, advertisement is becoming increasingly popular and persuasive. Some people highlight that an impressive sale of an commodity is directly proportional to the way it is advertised, regardless of its utility. In my opinion, I partially disagree that advertisement always urge people to buy products that they may not need, although it has a very powerful impact on them.

Advertisements are benefial for any business as it promote their products in various forms. However, not all the products advertised are required by mankind. For instance, "diet coke" is not only an unneccesary beverage but also hazardous to health. In addition, It has been found to effect cardiovascular system and may cause hypertension following continuous long-term use. Although it has many drawbacks, the sale of diet coke is sky-rocketing ever since it has been endorsed by a famous cricketer.

On the other hand, few people believe that advertisements help boost the economic growth of a country by encouraging more buying. Furthermore, an experienced men would not fall prey to an attractively advertised. but otherwise, irrelevant product. Also, buying goods also depends on the financial status of an individual. For example, a person who is struggling to make both ends meet would not be tempted to buy any random product which has been advertised manipulatively. Lastly, not all the advertisements broadcast needless goods.

In conclusion, there are few individuals who purchase anything they find trendy on an advertisement. However, a mature person is unlikely to be enticed by such eye-catching advertisements, especially if he is under budget constraints.

Kindly review and give an approximate band score

my advices:
you should have a clear topic sentence for each paragraph. then a sentence to explain it. after that, you give your examples
anyway, your point does not persuade me, you should built the body of your essay on draft first and arrange ideals in a suitable way

@Jipsa Jadwani
The content of your essay deviates a little bit from what is being asked for in the question. The question was not necessarily asking if people still would still buy highly advertised products regardless of the consequences; the question was asking if high sales would be a tangible measure of advertising. Notice how the former focuses on the consumer's attitude, whereas the latter focuses on a sales perspective to the issue. You had accommodated to the former, however you were not answering to the latter (which should be the core topic of the essay).

Taking this into consideration, I do believe that you should focus on enhancing the content of your essay in accordance. Your second paragraph, for instance, focused on how certain advertised goods are harmful for mankind. What you could have done here is tackle why companies still advertise these goods regardless of their negative impact to society. You could go in-depth in the topic of how profit-oriented these companies are, taking advantage of people's wants over fueling the greater good. Having a sense of direction in your essay is pivotal when you're writing - keep this in mind.

Furthermore, your third paragraph had potential but was not able to fully optimize its own content. Your direction in writing was alright when it came to tackling how advertisements manipulate people. You should discuss more about this. Perhaps you can give an example of instances wherein people have fallen into debt because of how advertisements prey on people's insecurities to gain profit.

I recommend that you revise the essay to have more direction in answering the question given to you.

Best of luck.