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'Effort to keep some things private' - question for the SAT



jazzyjj 1 / -  
Nov 7, 2012   #1
Essay Prompt
Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. People think that to hide one's thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.

Adapted from J. David Velleman, "The Genesis of Shame"

Assignment
Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

MY ANSWER

This last century has seen the rapid rise of social media, with websites such as Facebook, Myspace and so on. One of the recurring formats of these sites are letting your 'FRIENDS' know what your doing, or what your thinking. These subjects are the basis in which these website are made up of, purely to share with the world what is going on in your life, whether its going to a party, climbing up the Everest or giving birth. Websites like these weren't previously available, 10 years ago society did not have the opportunity to share their opinions on such a wide scale, it was normal for them to let their lives be known to the people around them and not people whom they had encountered in previous years. In my opinion the rise of social media and the freedom that it has given people to voice their opinion and communicate with like minded people is a really great thing. It shows the evolution of the human race in that as a society we are more comfortable and confident in ourselves and voicing what we are thinking, where as in the past it was seen as 'speaking out of turn' and just was not the done thing to be openly opinionated. Possible downsides of being too open on social media can come when people are careless. In regards to jobs, in this day in age it is very common for employers to search for prospective employees to check up a whole range of things, from their weekend antics to their political affiliations, both of which can be detrimental to the image that the employer has of the individual. In conclusion I think that the change in peoples attitudes regarding expression through social media, is more positive than negative. With the change brings great confidence within individuals and more interaction with like minded people whereas they might have not been able to communicate before. If people remember that once they write something its very permanent on the internet, with that in mind my parting quote will be 'Don't write something that you will later live to regret'.

I like Cookies 3 / 5  
Nov 7, 2012   #2
instead of "and so on" use et cetera
semicolon after Websites like these weren't previously available;
semicolon after wide scale;
dont use "in my opinion"

try to separate into paragraphs.
archie18 - / 1  
Nov 28, 2012   #3
Society did not have the opportunity to share "its" opinions
is a really great thing - seems a little too colloquial

I think, that your thesis needs to be showed in a slightly clearer manner
you should substantiate your stance using an example
probably that earlier people cooped up their feelings, and it was always only the people who they saw on a daily basis who could know about it.. and so on

and also, your essay is clearly just focussing on social media which might not be such a great idea as it wont really show your understanding of the assignment in a developed manner.

Hope i was of help.
good luck


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