Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Elderly or the younger workers - which are more useful for an employer? IELTS WRITING TASK 2

dunganh 1 / 1  
Nov 16, 2019   #1
Please help me check this essay. Thank you for reading.

Some people think elderly employees are more useful to a company while others believe younger employees are better.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is thought by some that elderly employees are more useful for a company, whereas other people contend that younger ones are better. In my opinion, I totally agree with the latter view.

On the one hand, there is one reason why several people think that elderly workers play a more useful role in a company. Employing elderly workers assists a company in saving money and time on job-related training. This is because they are normally more proficient in jobs and have more work experience, compared to young workers ordinary having insufficient time in order to implement what they have learnt to practice jobs and having not lived long enough to experience numerous incidents involved in jobs. Therefore, the elderly work more effectively and resolve most problems without attending job-related training frequently, adding up to the fact that an employer does not have to invest money and time in training new workers.

In spite of the aforementioned arguments, others and I believe that young employees are better. Firstly, they can make more contributions to an employer. Unlike the elderly normally considered as married, most young employees are unmarried and can devote most of their time, for they do not need to spend time on family. Secondly, in a high-tech society, the young become more helpful. Nowadays, many companies are adopting new high-tech technologies to enhance productivity instead of employing obsolete ones. Despite having more work experience, elderly workers tend to do what they are accustomed to and hardly learn to use these new technologies. Nevertheless, The young learn the new technologies easier owing to being inherently curious about new things.

In conclusion, although the idea that elderly workers are more useful for an employer sounds reasonable, I am in favor of the idea that younger ones are better.

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,047 372  
Nov 16, 2019   #2
Hi! I'll be responsible for checking your writing and giving feedback.

Your first paragraph should be solely dedicated to immediately answering what is required from you. However, before straightly jumping into this, it is highly recommended that you give at least a sentence or two of a background that will relay why this part of the text has to be given attention to.

In the latter parts of the text, I heavily recommend that you try to cut down the amount of phrases that you try to include in one sentence. For instance, the second paragraph's last sentence appears to be rather twisted in that regard. Be more specific with what is being demanded from you in this part of the text.

The conclusion also needs to be worked on. It doesn't necessarily give a staggering reason as to why the younger ones are better candidates for work. You should have been able to formulate a more substantive conclusion, rather than giving out a flimsy one-liner on why this is a critical part of the writing.
OP dunganh 1 / 1  
Nov 17, 2019   #3
Thank you very much for your feedback. I really appreciate it.

Home / Writing Feedback / Elderly or the younger workers - which are more useful for an employer? IELTS WRITING TASK 2