Electronic devices have some downsides for individuals in their relation with others

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Most people believe that electronic devices have downsides for individual in their relation. i completely disagree with this assumption, because on my own perspective electronic upsides of devices should be considered.

On the other hand, i agree that using electronic media can affect personal relationships. For example people tend to play with their mobile phone and ignore surrounding. As a result, it makes far much closer, closer keep far. They might communicate each others rather than be individual person. Most people failed to keep up with their environment because of it.

Teenagers and parents, for instance often be the victims of this situation.

Nevertheless, i realize that other considerations are just as important as what electronic has crucial part in communication.Firstly, some people make lots of friends on social networking site, for example they might have more relationship regarding to their job. indirectly they can help their closer friend because they have many comrade. Secondly, people can keep in touch regularly using electronic media, long distance is no longer as long as technology provides the way. Finally, these people still use this device in order to their relation because they need to communicate each other even though they are in different area.

in conclusion, i am convinced that electronic media is useful according to positive rather than negative effects in personal relation.

hello gian
I interested to read your task
I have some suggestions for you
I hope it helps1. using "i" should be capital >> "I"
2. avoid using subject pronoun such as their, they. maybe you can change it to be people, citizen, society.
Most people believes that electronic devices ...
... upsides of devices should be considered.<<< paragraph consist of three sentence

... electronic media can affect on personal relationships.

in conclusion, i am convinced that electronic ... <<< maybe this sentence is not necessary or join within paragraph before

thanks
keep writing

Hi Giansy, as I was going through your essay, I believe you made a very strong point in stating your ground on the task at hand. Indeed, advanced technology has made a lot of changes to peoples lives, good ones or bad ones, it matters greatly on our lives today. It is no surprise that some of our decisions are coupled or are made with the influence of todays technology.

Moreover, it also very strategic, you made sure that the ideas are in a sequential pattern and that it matters in every way it should be in the process. Now, as much as the first 3 paragraphs are so precise, the last paragraph did not really live up to it's purpose and I know we can still enhance it. Having said that, please find the suggestions below;

- in conclusion, i am convinced thatI believe electronic media is useful, it has a better positive sideaccording to positive rather than negative effects in personal relationto people and the lives we live today .

There you have it Giansy, I hope the above remarks are helpful and even more so, valuable in your revision.