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'embraced the culture and US history' meaningful achievements and your field of study



Forestville 1 / 1  
Mar 19, 2012   #1
I immigrated to the US three years ago, and moving to a country with different culture, different language and different way of life would normally represent a challenge for most ordinary people, but I am in no way ordinary people, I saw this as one of many opportunities that life was presenting with.

My first day of school in the US was very interesting, although I remember everything that happened that day in school; I don't remember a thing about the classes, but three years later I found myself in a privileged position, I am in my senior year, learned the language, embraced the culture and learned the history all this while keeping a 3.5 GPA and preparing myself for college.

So far this is my most meaningful achievement, and this way of getting things done is going to help me get to where I want to go, medical school. I am well aware that being a medical doctor is a challenging life and that it takes a lot of determination and sacrifice, but I am convinced that doing what I have been doing so far, is going to help me accomplish the my next most meaningful achievement.

Jennyflower81 - / 674  
Mar 20, 2012   #2
Hi :) I can help with your essay. It is pretty short, but I noticed that the first two paragraphs are small, bt they are each one big long sentence, I would break up these long sentences into shorter ones that are easier to read. I can help you with an example of this, I will take one paragraph and show you what would look better. Also, you need more content, if word limit allows, because to add more detail would make the paper more interesting.

Your intro:
I immigrated to the US three years ago, and moving to a country with different culture, different language and different way of life would normally represent a challenge for most ordinary people, but I am in no way ordinary people, I saw this as one of many opportunities that life was presenting with.

You could say: Three years ago, I immigrated to America from ____. I entered a new country with a different culture, language, and way of life. For most people, this situation would present a major challenge. I am far from ordinary, and to me, this challenge was actually an opportunity. I was able to surmount this difficulty, and I quickly adapted to my new environment.
OP Forestville 1 / 1  
Mar 20, 2012   #3
Thank you so much for your input Jennifer, but I had done it this way because I had to do it with 200 words or less, but I will definitely try to make your suggestion work.

Saúl


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