English-language teachers and French-language school teachers in Ontario

Writing Task 1- percentage of first-year teachers with regular teaching jobs by year of graduation

The graph gives information about the percentage of people who teach other people after graduated as habitual lecturing occupations in Ontario between 2001 and 2007. Overall, it can be seen that the percentage of English-language schoolteachers in Ontario was a downward trend and the percentage of French-language educators was a slight increase. Figures then fluctuated over seven-year period.

Between 2001 and 2002, there was a gradual decrease in the percentage of both English-language teachers and French-language schoolteachers from above 70 percent to under 60 percent and from 70 percent to above 50 percent respectively. For the next year, in 2003, people who teach English-language was a sudden fall to 40 percent but for people who teach French-language rose dramatically by under 70 percent.

According to the data between 2003 and 2005 both of Fresh graduate who teach English-language and who teach French language increased extremely to 70 percent and above 40 percent particularly. People who teach English-teacher was followed by a sudden fall to 28 percent two years later. On the other hand, the trend for French-language teachers is opposite. In 2007, the number of French-language educators was a peak at 75 percent.

• 
  question
  

Hi Wily,
Here's my analysis towards your essay. I hope you can follow through.

1st paragraph:
The line graph gives the information about the percentage of people who teach other people after graduated as habitual lecturing occupationsthe selection of teachers in Ontario between 2001 and 2007.

- ... the percentage of English-language school teachers in Ontario wasexperienced a downward trend and the percentage ofwhile French-language educators was a slight increaseslightly increased.Both figures then fluctuated ...

2nd paragraph:
- (to avoid repetition)BetweenFrom 2001 andto 2002, there was a gradual decrease in the percentageproportion of both English-language teachers and French-language schoolteachersEnglish and French teachers from above...

- For the next yearIn the following year, in 2003 , people who teach English-language was a sudden fallwere experienced a dramatic fall to approximately 40 percent but forpeople who teach French-language teachers' percentage rose dramaticallysharplyby underat nearly 70%percent . (sometimes, using symbol is okay for the sake of variations)

As you can see Wily, there are several remarks that you need to be considered in order to improve your writing skill later on. Good luck for the next practice :)

Hi Wily,

... schoolteachers in Ontario washad a downward trend and ...
... was a gradual decreaseD in the percentage of ...
... people who teachtaught English-language wasshowed a sudden fall to 40 ...
... both of Fresh graduate who teachtaught English-language and who teachtaught French language increased ...
People who teachtaught English-teacher was ...

- Do not explain all the numbers, use grouping so you can explain it better.
- pay more attention in your grammar.
Hopefully it helps.

Hello Willy!
Allow me to give you some suggestion.

1. Be careful with your tenses
...educators was a slight increased.
...there was a gradual decreased in the percentage of ...

2. Use comparison or how much something changed to reduce repitition.
French-language schoolteachers from above 70 percent to under 60 percent and then the number fell by 10 percent.
or
there was a gradual decrease in the percentage of both English-language teachers and French-language schoolteachers from above 70 percent to 50 percent over two years.

I hope it can help you.
Keep practice to make it perfect :)

Hi Willy.
this is my suggestion.

1. The graph gives the information about the ...

information in this case is focus in your graph it mean it is specific--> so better you add article "the"

2. ... English-language schoolteachers in Ontario there was a downward trend ...

better you add subject in your dependent clause--->clause.1(S+V+Adv), clause 2.(S+V+Adv)

3. Figures then fluctuated over seven-years period.
might you miss spelling--> seven-year it mean there are seven years so better you add (s) as plural form

good luck