Hi Miss Sarlinda.
I have read your writing closely. These are a few suggestions to finalize yours. Please, pay attention to my note and deal with them.
downward trends and bottomed at 25 %
rose slightly and reached a peak at 75 %
Miss, avoid mentioning detailed information in an overview. If there is a tendency to focus on details, your score will fall down to 5. In this moment, I will try to give you the example of overview.
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE ENGLISH-LANGUAGE TEACHERS DOMINATED THE WORKPLACE IN ONTARIO INITIALLY, BUT THAT POSITION HAD BEEN SUCCESSFULLY SURPASSED BY PROFESSIONALS TEACHING FRENCH LANGUAGE. MOREOVER, A GAP BETWEEN BOTH FIGURES HAVE WIDENED.
A closer look at your body paragraph reveals that you only played safely. You have to remember that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not describe separately. One of the prompts in the writing is your skill to compare. Please, you keep in your mind about this matter.
Well, I wanna demonstrate the example of comparisons.
IN THE FIRST PERIOD, THE NUMBER OF PROFESSIONALS TEACHING ENGLISH WAS MORE THAN TEACHING FRENCH LANGUAGE, REGARDING AT 75% AND 705 RESPECTIVELY. HOWEVER, THOSE POSITIONS HAD CHANGED SURPRISINGLY. FOLLOWING SIX YEARS, THE FORMER FELT TO APPROXIMATELY ONE-THIRDS OF THE BEGINNING PERCENTAGE, WHILE THE LATTER SUCCESSFULLY TOOK OVER THE POSITION OF THE ENGLISH TEACHERS, WITH THE PERCENTAGE AT THE 2001 ENGLISH TEACHERS FIGURE.Hopefully, those can enhance your skill to display the data.
I believe you can show the better progress. Practice more and more, and you only wait and see your outcomes.