public health improvement by increasing the number of sports facilities
Opinion differs whether the most effective way to enhance public health is to construct more sports facilities or there also had other required solutions. I do think both views are reasonable as each has its own merits.
It is certainly true that constructing more sports facilities is a good way to improve public health. First of all, increasing the number of sports facilities stimulates people to do physical activities. Because, now there are numerous sports facilities like gyms, aerobic classes, etc., which have enough equipment for these individuals to do exercise. As a result, this might help people have a fit body and good health. Besides, going to sports facilities help people to do exercise in the right method. For example, if these individuals go to the gym, they will have a personal trainer to guide people on how to practice in a proper way, which is good for their health. In contrast, doing exercise in the wrong way can have bad influences on their health.
Nevertheless, I think increasing the number of sports facilities is not enough. These individuals should apply other measures to improve their health. People need to limit unhealthy foods and drinks. For instance, they should consume more vegetables, nutrient foods, water, etc., instead of fast food, alcohol, etc. Furthermore, these individuals should stop their unhealthy habits such as smoking, sleeping late, etc., which seriously suffer their health.
In conclusion, I believe that in addition to increasing the number of sports facilities. There are several solutions to enhance public health by limiting unhealthy foods and drinks, and ending harmful habits like smoking, sleeping late, etc.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 The prompt paraphrase, just like the succeeding paragraphs, requires a 3-5 sentence presentation format. Not following this presentation rule results in a run-on sentence, as seen in your writing, which will result in a lowered GRA score. Always separate the topics for discussion, in this case, the 2 public points of view, by using 2 separate complete simple or complex sentences. Do not offer a personal opinion as a part of the paraphrase. That cannot be achieved at that point since the opinion is based on a discussion of the two points of view first. You cannot develop an opinion if you have not written about the justification for each reason yet. You may instead, add your personal opinion as the last 3 sentences of the public point of view discussion.
A more cohesive presentation of the public point of view discussion paragraphs would have been to write in the following format twice in the reasoning paragraphs:
- A topic reference to a general public viewpoint (second or third person pronoun usage required)
- The reason for this public perception
- A presentation of your opinion ( agree or disagree with the public point of view)
- A supporting reason
- Close with a valid example to agree with your opinion
By discussing the essay in the above manner, you should be able to present a coherent and cohesive discussion that is based on 2 completely developed points of view per paragraph, the public and the personal. Right now, both discussion paragraphs come across as merely personal points of view. You also did not properly discuss both public points of view. You only discussed one public POV. So the discussion instructions / requirements were not achieved in your presentation, lowering your TA score in the process. Additionally, without the use of pronouns, you will not be able to increase your GRA score to show that you know how to properly develop discussion paragraphs based on multiple reference points.
