I want you to correct grammar and consistency of my TOEFL ESSAY.
Thanks for your help. Have a good day!
If a person has to choose only one between buying a house and a business, it would be a tough choice. To buy a house makes people feel security. To buy a business, meanwhile, provides people with the opportunities to make more money. Both of them have benefits, but if I were given this choice, I would like to buy a business. There are two reasons for my choice that a successful business allows me to make more money and it doesn't matter for me to have a house.
First of all, most people works in workplaces it is not their own. Thus, they are hard to make more money. However, if I have a successful business, I have the opportunities to earn more money. A successful business that makes more money can give me the chance to buy something I would like to have, such as nice cars and fashionable clothes. In addition, this can supply me with something I would like to do. For instance, I am able to do skydiving and skiing and driving a racing car if I have much money. Plus, proceeds from my own business make possible for me to buy a house that I would exactly love to.
Furthermore, I strongly believe that having my own business is much valuable than having a house. Some people who have only their house don't feel satisfied with having a business. On the other hand, the other people can be satisfied with the fact that there is their own business. Also, I strongly affirm that the feeling of satisfaction is very important in humans' lives and this satisfaction makes people more pride. For example, my friend Sam who has his own large business believes that having a business and managing a business make him so active and confident that he always feels pride of himself. Although he doesn't have any his own house, he thinks that it is not matter because of a sense of pride from having a business.
To be sure, purchasing a house feel me stable and is very important for my family who live with me in long time because of stability from having a house; However, I would choose to buy a business if I have to choose only one. I cannot abandon the chance to make more money and to make more choices.
Thanks for your help. Have a good day!
If a person has to choose only one between buying a house and a business, it would be a tough choice. To buy a house makes people feel security. To buy a business, meanwhile, provides people with the opportunities to make more money. Both of them have benefits, but if I were given this choice, I would like to buy a business. There are two reasons for my choice that a successful business allows me to make more money and it doesn't matter for me to have a house.
First of all, most people works in workplaces it is not their own. Thus, they are hard to make more money. However, if I have a successful business, I have the opportunities to earn more money. A successful business that makes more money can give me the chance to buy something I would like to have, such as nice cars and fashionable clothes. In addition, this can supply me with something I would like to do. For instance, I am able to do skydiving and skiing and driving a racing car if I have much money. Plus, proceeds from my own business make possible for me to buy a house that I would exactly love to.
Furthermore, I strongly believe that having my own business is much valuable than having a house. Some people who have only their house don't feel satisfied with having a business. On the other hand, the other people can be satisfied with the fact that there is their own business. Also, I strongly affirm that the feeling of satisfaction is very important in humans' lives and this satisfaction makes people more pride. For example, my friend Sam who has his own large business believes that having a business and managing a business make him so active and confident that he always feels pride of himself. Although he doesn't have any his own house, he thinks that it is not matter because of a sense of pride from having a business.
To be sure, purchasing a house feel me stable and is very important for my family who live with me in long time because of stability from having a house; However, I would choose to buy a business if I have to choose only one. I cannot abandon the chance to make more money and to make more choices.
