You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business.Which could you prefer ?

A house is one of the basic needs of any animal.So obviously i will prefer buying a home rather than starting a business.

Firstly, i don't need to depend on others.If i dont' have a house i have to rent a house and i need to pay for it each and every month. Apart from this i need to look for another house if my current house in which im living is not comfortable and additionally, every time when i look for a new house i need to consult some house broking agents and have to pay them.On a recall,my uncle doesn't hold a house.Atleast once in every 6 months he vacates the house he is living in that worries him a lot.

Secondly a house can supports me when im financially weak .when im running out of money i can either rent my house to someone or can even apply for loan through the documents of the land .On a recall, one of my friends was going through a severe economic downturn that lead him to owe a huge sum of money to his co-workers,He suddenly loaned some amount of money from the bank through is house.

On the conclusion, i would purchase a house live as prestigious human in the society.As days go the worth of the house or the land can only increase.

- You use too many sentence start with " I need , I don't need/have to, I can..". Use should change this style.
- Use should capitalize "I" instead of "i".
- "In conclusion" not "on the conclusion"
- Good coherence.

The last sentence of every paragraph could be more conclusive to make others grab your meaning at first sight
For example, the last sentence of 1st para could be like
"I would like to have a sense of belonging and soundness by buying a house then I can focus more on my work or study"

And in the 2nd para you can show that you have the investment awareness

This is your introduction and it is better you introduce the topic to the reader. You need to assume that the reader has no idea about what the topic is. Here you have not made any reference to the choice you've got to made - Do you want to buy a house or a start a business.


... This is a bad mistake when you do in essay writing. You may lose marks on such errors (avoid sms language in essays)
First, I do not like to depend on others.


Well, this is not really going well with your reason of depending on others. This has more to do with waste of money.

... wrong grammar;
house supports / house can support


.... good idea, but presentation needs lots and lots of work. If you make those errors I have highlighted in this sentence (may be typos, but they are serious ones) at the exam, then you'll be in deep trouble. Make sure you respect those rules when you write essays.

Hmm... sorry but couldn't you apply every point you made arguing for the mouse to the business? Just asking :D