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IELTS writing 2 - Environment protection, the job for individual or the government?

smally01 9 / 34 14  
Aug 22, 2018   #1
Sorry it is me again... hate myself that not able to keep sentences short... I can see that if I were in the real exam I would either not able to finish it or even it did, I would not have sufficient time for task 1, for anyhow I would fail...

the responsibility of protecting our planet

Individual should take care of the environment or it is the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is argue that individual are vital in protecting the environment, while other believe the government takes most responsibility dealing with the environmental problem. Below show both views as well as mine.

On the one hand, people who believe everyone is essential to take part in the environment protection. The prime reason for this is every policy from the state should be implemented by people in the end, in other word individual's contribution is necessary for a successful policy to deploy. Without people's understanding, acceptance and follow, any policy will never be smooth to implement. For example, if the main purpose of plastic bag tax policy lead by the state which aim to reduce the produce of plastic wastes that in the end not accepted or understood by their citizen, the policy will end up in the failure and none of the plastic waste will be eliminated, even though a significant amount of tax for plastic bag policy had been collected.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that the government take the ultimate responsibility on protecting the environment as of its influencing power to the state people. In fact the authority have the power on setting up and implement rules, regulations and policies to their citizen to follow. The green tax, for instance, a taxation policy of fuels for private vehicles which will create the deterrence effect for those who own and used to drive their automobile anytime anywhere. By implementing the aforementioned policy, private car owners will take public transport instead of their cars. As a result the emission of harmful gases will be reduced as a whole.

In my opinion, it is vitally important for both the individual and government to work together to pursue for a healthier planet earth. That is, individuals should do their best on avoiding any activities which will pollute the environment, and the states should develop plans and direct their citizen toward to the goal of environmental protection.

In conclusion, both the individuals and the authorities hold the responsibilities on protecting the planet. In my view both parties should work together to create a better world.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,939 3570  
Aug 23, 2018   #2
Believe it or not, if not for the problematic sentence structures in your essay, you actually managed to develop a highly logical explanation for the discussion. You would have scored well in the TA section but had a problem with the GRA, C&C, and LR sections of the score. This is a marked improvement from your previous essay earlier today. You showed an understanding of the prompt which helped you to explain yourself in an understandable manner.

You need to brush up on your plural word usage skills. When you use the word "are" in a sentence, then the word it describes need to be in plural form. Therefore the phrase should be "individuals are". Since you started the discussion in plural form, the rest of the discussion should follow the same presentation. That means the term should be "others" instead of "other".

The length of your essay will prove to be trying in an actual test. So you need to focus on shortening your presentation by avoiding superfluous presentations in each paragraph. Try to stick to the following format:

1. Topic sentence
2. Reason
3. Explanation or example
4. Transition sentence

These are the only information you need to present per paragraph. So you can easily use a 3 sentence minimum for your presentations. Do not over discuss the topic per paragraph. That is why you write too much and lose track of time.

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