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IELTS Task II : Equal number of gender in the universities entrance


SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 12, 2014   #1
Free for comment
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

answer

Emancipation in education should be asked nowadays. As we seen university approval based on gender become debatable, should be it equal or not. Some groups argue that outnumber of male student or female in every subjects will be challenged emancipation, and vice versa. It is interesting to discuss what universities should be decided about this issue. Based this I quietly disagree that universities should be accepted student equal, it should be unequal.

Firstly, sex ratio in our population is not equal. However the number of male and female who entrancing university also has differences. This difference for several people is a violation of emancipation. They tend to make same number for each gender such as 500 chairs for male an also for female.

Secondly, enrolling university should be based on the examination result. It is important to select the candidates from their ability based instead proportionate them quantitatively but lack. In addition, examination scores gaining is the criterion to candidate for eligibly accepted them in a subject. This means that numbers of each gender are unpredictable when the requirements are set solid. Student in each genders also have different interest in different subject. For instance, Engineering faculty has quota for 500 students and the examination results 375 male and 25 female selected. Accordingly, impossible for universities gains similar student number of each gender.

In conclusion, it is illogical that universities should be equalizing numbers of gender in annual acceptance. I agree that early examination as the best way to decide the proper candidates.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 12, 2014   #2
Emancipation in education should be asked nowadays.

.... Emancipation? What do you really mean by this sentence?
I have noticed many students have a habit of replacing words with synonyms without having a proper understanding about in which situations those words are used. There is a great danger in doing that because they may interpret a total different meaning to your original idea. Focus more on presenting clear sentences to the reader than having big words. Your vocabulary knowledge is certainly a plus factor for a good score. However, clarity takes presidence.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 12, 2014   #3
Emancipation in education should be asked nowadays

I want to make hook, but

great danger in doing that because they may interpret a total different meaning to your original idea

clarity takes presidence

thumbs up
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 12, 2014   #4
dumi:
Emancipation in education should be asked nowadays I want to make hook, but
dumi:
great danger in doing that because they may interpret a total different meaning to your original idea

Well, if you struggle with making hooks, leave that a side for now. Start with the background, but make sure your idea gets across very very clearly to the reader. Hook is good to have, but not having a hook doesn't make much of a difference in terms of your score. My strong advice for you is to present things in the simplest manner. Don't try experimental phrases or words. You need to pay attention to many aspects when you do this task. Time, clarity, grammar, structure, ideas, vocabulary etc. Your overall score would be the outcome of the equation where all these things are parameters.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Feb 12, 2014   #5
However the number of male and female who entrancingentering university also has differences.
Well, this sentence does not deliver a clear idea about what you mean. I think you need to rephrase this again.

This difference for several people is a violation of emancipation.

This is also very very confusing. As dumi suggested above, write simple sentences that can be easily comprehended. Once you gained a good knack of this task through your practice essays you can slowly build more complex sentences.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Feb 12, 2014   #6
Firstly, sex ratio in our population is not equal. However the number of male and female who entrancing university also has differences. This difference for several people is a violation of emancipation.

As far as I'm concerned, "emancipation" means liberation or being freed which, I think, is not related to the issue of unequal numbers of male and female students.

They tend to make same number for each gender such as 500 chairs for male an also for female.

This is one of your reason but you didn't give a clear explanation for this.

It is important to select the candidates from their ability based instead proportionate them quantitatively but lack.

The quality of students will be guaranteed if they are selected to enter universities from ability-based tests.
You should pay attention to your grammar!
sabakhai 5 / 11  
Feb 13, 2014   #7
"I agree that early examination as the best way to decide the proper candidates."

I think this point has no context in the essay.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 15, 2014   #8
My strong advice for you is to present things in the simplest manner. Don't try experimental phrases or words.

task through your practice essays you can slowly build more complex sentences.

thankyou Dumi and Pahan, Both of you always give me good advices.
Shinigami97 10 / 16 1  
Feb 15, 2014   #9
It is interesting to

"Interesing" is rather emotional than formal used in essay

who entrancing university

omit "who" for short form of relative clause

Accordingly, impossible for universities gains similar student number of each gender.

=> impossiblity

In conclusion, it is illogical that universities should be equalizing numbers of gender in annual acceptance.

=> you should use another adj not in absolute meaning.
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 15, 2014   #10
impossible for universities gains similar student number of each gender.

=> impossiblity

would you kindly give me explanation why this adj should change to noun ?
and what about this "Accordingly, it is difficult for universities to equalize gender at the early selection."
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Feb 21, 2014   #11
It would be nice if you could end your concluding paragraph with this structure. You'd better try :)
The Concluding Paragraph has three parts:
1. a 'conclusion' signal: In conclusion, ....etc,
2. a summary of the main points or a restatement of the thesis (in different words!)
3. a final comment, based on the information in the essay.
The final comment can be:
a warning or prediction (often using the first conditional: If ..., ... will ...)
a suggestion or recommendation (often using should or must)
OP SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 21, 2014   #12
It would be nice if you could end your concluding paragraph

yap, I will try eddies thank you.


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