In this era, people are facing major issue relating to the rising temperatures of the earth

Hi,

My name is Bani. I am an IELTS student. I need feedback in term of task achievement, coherence and cohesion, lexical resources (vocabulary), grammatical range and accuracy.

Global warming is one of the biggest threats

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st century and sea levels are continuing to rise at alarming rates.
What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions?

In this millennial era, people are facing major issue relating to the rising temperatures of the earth which is depicted by a rising level of the sea as signals. There is a strong likelihood that unpredictable weather is the problem caused by this phenomenon and saving water is the most viable solution.

To begin with, the serious issue of the current high temperatures has shifted the weather patterns. This condition leads to farmers struggles for planning their planting schedule inasmuch as increasingly unpredictable water supplies which is a basic need of agriculture. In addition, a warmer atmosphere could trigger the increasing rates of evaporation. In other words, the plant leaves will lose their moisture. For example, in Indonesia, according to the Statistic Commission of Indonesia, the total of paddy production in 2018 decreased significantly approximately two-fifth percent since the farmer would not start to grow the plants because of dry season which was longer than the previous decade.

The most practical action to tackle this problem is to reduce water waste. This could decrease carbon pollution which is produced by activities related to water consumption such as pumping, heating, and water treatment. For instance, recent research conducted by the University of Indonesia depicted the total electricity consumption that would be saved in Jakarta per year was about 90 million kilowatt-hours. This is to avoid 70,000 tons of global warming pollution if one out of every 100 city dwellers uses the water efficiently. It suggests the citizens could take shorter showers, and turn off the tap while brushing teeth.

In conclusion, a changing global climate is a serious problem these days. The result of the rising in sea level can lead to the change of climate events. This problem can be solved through wise water usage.

two-fifths
for me
'carbon pollution'=> the mount of carbon dioxide
activities relating
the total of electricity
kilowatt-hours
was is about 90
'70,000 tons of ... pollution'...what does it mean? or '70,000 tons of global warming pollutants'
they are my opinion if they are wrong, please tell me.....

Muhammad, kindly familiarize yourself with English grammar writing rules. You need to learn about how to construct sentences properly using subject-verb agreements. The following sentence is improperly structured:

...every 100 city dwellers uses the water efficiently...
Correction: ... dwellers USE water efficiently...

You also have a conjunction usage misunderstanding as you used a comma in the following presentation when it was not needed:

...citizens could take shorter showers, and turn off the tap ...

You should also learn to use more descriptive adjectives in your essay so that your LR and GRA scores can be increased. For example, when you said:

...global climate is a serious problem these days...

The reference would have had more impact had you said :

...global climate is a severe problem...

There are other descriptive adjective improvements that could have been done throughout your essay but I believe that one example of how a properly described adjective can improve the impact of a sentence presentation.

Try to avoid writing run-on sentences by ending your sentences with one topic being presented in it. Remember, there is a minimum 3 sentence requirement for each paragraph and you failed to meet that requirement in the opening paragraph. The opening paragraph could have had 3 sentences if you had separated your responses for the separate questions in the direct response. That would have allowed you to better develop a sentence structure for each response presentation, which could have allowed for an increased GRA scoring consideration.

Avoid using research specific information such as statistics from the Indonesian agency. There is no internet access at the exam center. That is why you are always asked to use personal understanding, knowledge, and examples for these essays. It does not matter if your information is not accurate. What matters is that your English writing makes sense to the reader. Remember, do not research. You won't increase your scoring potential based on the exactness of your information, that doesn't count in the scoring bracket considerations.

Overall, this is an informative essay that is understandable to the reader. However, I wonder how well this essay could have been written by you had you not done research on the topic. My comment about the way the essay was presented and written is actually false-positive because you have researched information in this presentation. I wonder if you would have been able to present yourself in English, in an understandable manner, without the referenced information. I hope to see how you actually write based on personal knowledge in your next essay.