IELTS task 2 - How to evaluate a person?

IELTS task 2, help me with my gramma and let me know what kind of vocabulary I can put it in.

a person's worth should be only judged by social status and material possessions

This issue is a controversial on the affects the daily lives of everyone. People usually take one side over the other, despite not having any idea about the subject, But in my case I totally disagree a person's worth should be only judged by social status and material possessions. Here are the statement for my reasons below.

First of all, with reference to personality, the reason why I disagree with the title is that money and power can't represent a person's personality. Simply speaking, a man who is rich doesn't mean he is also a successful man or having a good character. For instance, a rich man can be rich may because he had born in a wealthy family and all he had was from his parents.

Second, honour, kindness and trust are way more important than social status and material possessions. If you date a guy who is a rich politician, but don't really care about your feeling and emotion. Obviously, he is not a good choice to married or have relationship. As a illustration, Lots of politicians had been reported on news that had been married again and again. Consequently, a person's worth shouldn't be judge by their social status and material possessions.

To sum up, I would state my opinion to this issue after analyzing the three reasons again. it it truly that we shouldn't only judge a person by their social status and material possessions. So, it is sagacious to support the statement that we should understand their personality first.

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Hi,

I do not really understand what does this sentence mean? In term of grammar, I think it should be written as "This issue is a controversial on the which affects the daily lives of everyone".

Be careful with your comma / dot. "... subject, But in my case I..." --> "... subject. In my opinion, I ..."
"....kindness and trust are way more important..."

I suggest you should revise the typo and grammar once again

There is a problem with your prompt paraphrase. You are not presenting any. As a task 2 essay, your main score will come from your ability to understand the original discussion presentation, then present it in your own words. Your presentation not only omitted presenting the original discussion topic, it presented a difficult to understand paragraph presentation. There is no point to your presentation due to the lacking prompt paraphrase. Your essay will automatically fail at this point. So you have a bigger problem than just grammar and vocabulary. You have inadequate English writing (and most likely speaking ) skills that have prevented you from properly formatting and addressing the essay discussion.

The discussion provided is not academic in consideration and shows a superficiality in your discussion capacity. You are not presenting an analyzed essay discussion with valid discussion points. You are just discussing based on a personal opinion, which does not really match the discussion requirements. There is no balanced discussion within the 3 reasoning paragraphs. The paragraphs should have reflected:

- A stand alone public point point of view discussion of the social status and material possession consideration
- A stand alone discussion pertaining to old fashioned values, as understood by the public
- Your personal opinion in support of one of the two public points of view

@Ian0800
The first paragraph should be rephrased from the question. It seems like your first paragraph did not meet the requirement. I am not an expert, but I try to rephrase the introduction for you as follows.

In modern society, the value of individuals is likely to be determined by social symbolism and personal assets. The importance of traditional merits like integrity, generosity, and reliance is fading. In my opinion, I disagree with the view due to a person's worth cannot be measured by external factors like social class roles and properties.