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'evaluate the teachers' performance instead of improving the salary of teachers



basawang 10 / 73  
Sep 19, 2011   #1
Do you agree or disagree that there should be an increase of teachers' salary for promoting education quality? Use specific reasons and details to develop your assay.

Teachers play vital roles in the current education system. Some thus argue that the government should increase the teachers' salary in order to improve education quality. Certainly money is a major incentive for workers to work harder. But I disagree with this argument because no concrete evidence suggests that teachers with higher salary definitely perform better. Moreover, even if salary can facilitate teachers to improve their teaching, other factors in education system, such as prejudice on certain subjects, may be a bigger issue compared to teachers' performance.

It is too naive to assume that raising teachers' incomes can induce them to devote more passions in education. If the government gives all teachers higher salary without any differences, for these teachers, they can get additional money without changing or ameliorating anything. In other words, there are no strong motives for them to improve their teaching quality. As a result, I believe the government should establish a rating system to assess teachers' performance, and then decide who should receive higher salary. It is reasonable to increase good teachers' incomes. In contrast, bad teachers should be punished rather than rewarded.

In addition, the main problem in education may not result from teachers, but from other factors. For example, in Taiwan, the whole education system places too much emphasis on some academic subjects such as Mathematics and Chemistry. Other subjects such as Arts and Physical Education sometimes are largely ignored. Increasing teachers' earnings cannot solve this problem because this prejudice is rooted deeply in the society. An effective solution should instigate public awareness that subjects form different fields are all of great importance for students.

In a nutshell, I disapprove of the idea that raising teachers' salary can ameliorate the education system. The government should not only meticulously evaluate the teachers' performance, but also analyze education problems in order to provide effective amendments.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Sep 19, 2011   #2
Hi,
Ofcourse you can have many examples followed by "such as". For example,

Teachers' performance depend on many factors such as their committment, knowledge, attitude etc.

you better have some examples in the following sentence using such as; Moreover, even if salary can have a positive influence on enhancing the quality of teaching, other factors in the society may also affect the quality of education such as ....

You write very well and you have excellent vocabulary. I think you are preparing for IELTS or TOEFL. If so, you dont worry 'cause you would go for a very good score!
OP basawang 10 / 73  
Sep 20, 2011   #3
Thanks for your reply!

I planned to discuss two aspects in this essay.

The first one is increasing salary cannot guarantee teachers' performance, and the second one is other factors may cause educational problems.

This is why I wrote this in the introduction:


I disagree with this argument because no concrete evidence suggests that teachers with higher salary definitely perform better. Moreover, even if salary can have a positive influence on enhancing the quality of teaching, other factors in the society may also affect the quality of education.

The former sentence shows the first idea in the second paragraph, and the latter shows the second one in the third paragraph.

I know it would be better to give many examples after the term "other factors", like what you suggested:


Moreover, even if salary can have a positive influence on enhancing the quality of teaching, other factors in the society may also affect the quality of education such as ....

But I worry that if I write in this way, I have to discuss many other factors (teacher's attitudes, prejudices, passions) in the third paragraph. I do not have enough time to develop each point clearly. Therefore, I only talked about prejudices.

Can I give many examples in the introduction without further discussions in later paragraphs?


You write very well and you have excellent vocabulary. I think you are preparing for IELTS or TOEFL. If so, you dont worry 'cause you would go for a very good score!

Thanks for your compliment, yet I am not confident of my performance because of the time management.
In TOEFL test, I have to finish an essay in 30 minutes. But so far it usually takes me more than 1 hour to finish my essay.

Anyway, I will do my best.
Thanks for your meticulous corrections and valuable suggestions.
It is so wonderful that you can help me improving my writing skills.

Best wishes


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