Evaluating the opinion that increasing petrol's price would solve traffic and pollution problems

IELTS writing task 2 - petrol price

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?

Growing traffic and pollution are serious problems nowadays. Personally, I completely disagree with the opinion that increasing petrol's price would solve those problems and believe that other measures would be more constructive.

To begin with, there are two reasons why I would argue against increasing price of petrol. Firstly, when the petrol's price is higher, people will start using less petrol and therefore, this energy industry will be affected. Because of this, the economy of many countries might struggle due to the fact that petrol is an important industry in many nations. For example, middle east countries might have huge loss if people stop using petrol since petrol is their most important export industry. Secondly, increasing petrol price will affect citizens' lives and raise living expenses. For example, in my country, people use petrol to cook food and therefore, food price will be increased.

In my view, there are some alternatives that are more effective than raising petrol cost. The first solution is investing more in public transportation and infrastructure. For example, governments could open new bus routes to meet people's demand of travelling and commuting, which will help reducing cars on road and greenhouse gas emissions. Another solution is encouraging people to work from home through internet. This will reduce the numbers of commuters and avoid traffic jams at rush hours.

In conclusion, I disagree with the idea of increasing petrol price to solve traffic or pollution problems and believe other measures such as public transportation and home working will be more beneficial.

Hi @linhchin!
I`ll try my best to help you. First and foremost, you should be careful about the words you use while expressing your own ideas. For example, "when the petrol's price is higher, people will start using less petrol and therefore, this energy industry will be affected " : unless you have a strong evidence, try to use expressions that sound less certain, such as "may start, can be affected".

Besides, I think the essay is well-ordered. But, in the second paragraph, you haven`t developed your second reason. It seems incomplete to me.

Here are some corrections from me:
Because of this, the economy of many ... petrol is an important ... nations the main source of their national income.

since petroleum industry is their most ... industry one of the biggest exports earner in this region.

...food price will be increased.

@solivagant
thanks a lot for your help

@linhchin
Hello there. I'll provide you with writing feedback.

I find that, overall, your language is quite put together. You were able to relay the meaning effectively. Additionally, you had quite a packed substance for your words. Because of this, you had a logical approach to writing.

Try to just organize your sentences. Try to separate your long-form sentences and phrases to curate more substantive and concise structures. This will help you save space in your essay.

The second paragraph is quite crowded already. There's an excessive usage of examples. Try to stick to one argument and/or line of thought to help you in your essay.

Best of luck as always.