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ESSAY EVALUTION - TOEFL - FALLOW YOUR CUSTOM OR OTHER COUNTRY'S.



sandipsinh 37 / 88  
Feb 18, 2014   #1
When people move to another country, some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices. Which one do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details.

Our traditions and customs keep's us connected with our ancestral roots. People in the rapidly developing country are multicultural. To not restrict their growth, human moves from one place to another. While living in a different place many choose to fallow custom of new country and others stick to their own custom. Due to certain circumstances human tend to do so. My essay will narrate the light and bright sides of not fallowing your own customs.

Several year ago, many north Asian people had been caught and packed in the container to export to United States of America, this forceful migration made them suffered starvation, unemployment and child violence. Government's announcement of giving them rights of minor and accepting them as citizen of America, gave them a new home country to start their life form scratch. In this scenario many converted into Christian, and fallowed the custom of American christian to make their life smooth. Fallowing the custom of a local place help people to easily connect with the local populace of the region. Process of adaptability become easy. Living in the new place would be convenient and other activity such as food, fashion, tradition and language barrier can be eliminated voluntarily. Although beforemention benefits can be enjoyed, but at the cost of your own custom.

On the other hand, many people like me, fallow their own custom despite staying away from home country. I purchased a house in America, for that I kept house - warming ceremony. I was easily able to perform all the custom and ritual that is required in Hinduism to conduct, before shifting to a new house. Connection to my custom gives me spiritual and emotional satisfaction. I feel near to my family and its value. Also my parents can come and stay with me anytime without any worry of how they are going to adjust in new country and culture? Our roots are somewhere our identity as well, changing them would not be so pleasurable

.
Preference of people differ due to their own rationales. Every religion, custom and tradition is valued in current era to avoid any biases and prejudice. People organize party on their birthday, marriages and other special occasion in India also with performing their own rituals of their custom. So it does not matter whether one fallow their own custom or others, as far as it keeps human being united.

dumi 1 / 6793  
Feb 19, 2014   #2
keep's

.... what does this mean?
Our traditions and customs keep'skeep us connected with our ancestral roots.
This is a very good sentence. Look at the following grammar corrections;
Our traditions and customs keep us connected / Our tradition keeps us connected

People in the rapidly developing country are multicultural. To not restrict their growth, human moves from one place to another.

These are not well presented ideas. You need to rephrase them !
OP sandipsinh 37 / 88  
Feb 19, 2014   #3
Thanks guys for guiding me.


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