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Everyone should study at school until 18. To what extent,do you agree or disagree?

Watsup 2 / 3  
Sep 9, 2017   #1

years at school

There are several reasons for people to stay at school until they are 18: but the most significant explaination is about the protection of school. This is because if people are under 18, they are still not mature enough and can be easily fall into social evils such as: addiction, scrimmage or pre-age sex.Educational insitution, because of these problems, are responsible for teaching students to stay away from them and leaners will then have a full awareness of various social evils in life.

It is also something suggested that people choosing to study until 18 will have a better opportunity to land a good job.This is because degree, which is a recognition of a study process is often considered as a compulsory factor of every company, especial with the good reputation one.One illustration of this is that the ratio for a man who does not study at least 12 years, wants to work for a company is very low (5%-15%) because he does not even response to one the most basic need of every company.In contrast, the one who study until 18 or even higher is often be appriciated and can get a good job easily.

P/s: i only write 2 body paragraphs because i'm new to IELtS

LaLaLand999 3 / 6  
Sep 9, 2017   #2
You need to work a lot both on the essay's structure and the way you express yourself. Firstly, you need to have, in addition to the body paragraphs, an introduction and a conclusion. Also, avoid grammatical and lexical errors (e.g. be easily fall, educational institution are responsible.

However, you just started preparing for IELTS, there's still a lot to figure out. Practice makes perfect :)
Holt [Contributor] - / 8,613 2511  
Sep 10, 2017   #3
It is useless to write two paragraphs that only pertain to the body of the discussion. That is not going to show me what your problem areas are nor how I can help you improve your writing. You need to provide the complete prompt, make an effort to write the essay in the required manner, and then come here with the completed text for review. You are wasting time and valuable advice by letting your fear of not doing well on the IELTS practice test get the better of you. Sure, you wrote a pretty impressive body paragraph. But how does that apply to the original prompt? Do you have the ability to write a proper paraphrase and opening statement? Do you have the required English comprehension skills to actually write the essay in the manner required? That cannot be assessed by simply reading your 2 paragraphs.

Do not provide data such as percentages in your body paragraph unless you are writing a Task 1 essay. The task 2 essay relies on your knowledge of current and popular events for the discussion. The way that you discussed the essay is acceptable, even though you presented researched information in it, but not coherent nor cohesive because you did not try to develop only one idea per paragraph. You have a series of under developed presentations that do not really help to create a connection body of discussion paragraphs. Your GRA skills are lacking in terms of proper sentence and paragraph development and your vocabulary uses only simple words that are not properly placed in the paragraph and lack the use of connecting and descriptive words that would have helped it make better sense.

The next time you post here, do not waste time and opportunity. Post the full prompt with your fully developed essay. You cannot expect to improve if we will be assessing your work only on the portions you are comfortable writing. In order to help you discover your weak points, you need to take a chance and be prepared to hear that your work has negatives in it. The negative assessments are what you should focus on improving upon with your next practice tests. I am not telling you these information to be mean, I am telling you this because you will not have the chance to get a high level of review for your essay, that you are not paying for, if you do not give me the proper tools with which to assess your work.

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