Exercise writing test 2 (Inventors are not as important to society as doctors, Agree or disagree)

Writing 2

In the past, numerous inventions was discovered by inventions, because that could change the world until now. We should give many achivements to inventors, such as Thomas Alfa Edison (inventor of electric) or Steve Jobs (chairman of apple company which produced several revolutionary product). Can you envisage if they didn't discovered, probably nowadays most of people don't have handphone or computer, even electric can't used by people.

Although, doctor also essential for society, they have abilty who help someone. They treated someone for a disease. Everyone were needed a doctor especially when sick. However, inventors also have a roll to help doctor solving the problem particularly regarding health. Numerous facility, medicine, tools discovered by inventors, where doctor need it for cure someone.

In my opinion, inventors is more important than doctor. It can be occurs because nowadays most of people who sick still at home because they have medicine or tools which make them healthy. Eventough, sometimes when they still sick or have dangerous diseases, perhaps they will go to hospital, and need doctor to treat them. Because, tools and medicine from apotics not enough for several diseases.

In conclusion, inventors and doctor commonly important. They related each other. Both of them have divers ability. Doctor has ability and knowledge to treat someone who sick. On other hand, inventors has a intelligence for discover new inventions which usefull for human in the world.

Hi, below through my advice for you.
1.Remember alvin, for academic purpose, you cannot make the word like when you are speaking.
didn't ---> did not
don't ---> do not
2.A pple company ---> name of company
3. Everyone were needed a doctor ---> passive, a doctor needs everyone?
4.inventors has a intelligence for discover new inventions ... ---> intelligence is uncount , yu cannot add with article

In the past, numerous inventions ... ( INVENTION DISCOVERED INVENTION IT SOUND LIKE ORANGE EATS ORANGE I THINK THAT BETTER WHEN YOU CHANGE WITH THE INVENTION WAS DISCOVERED BY INVENTORS) ,

We should give many achivements DID YOU MEAN WADGES/SALARY?? to inventors, such as (...) company which IS produced several revolutionary product).
... nowadays most of people don't DO NOT have handphone or computer, even electric can't CANNOT BE used by people.

Hello, let me give my correction for you

numerous inventions waswere(because the subject "inventions" is plural, so you must use "were" not "was")

many achivementsachievements

several revolutionary productproducts(the word "several" indicate the plural)

if they didn't discovereddiscovere(because after did is V1)

most of the people don't have handphone or computer, even electric can't useduse by people

the doctor also (...), they have abiltyability

Everyone werewas needed (because the word "everyone" indicate singular subject, so you must use singular verb too)

the inventors has have aan intelligence for discoverdiscovering new inventions which usefulluseful for human in the world

thank you

HI..alfinkurnia

I read your writing. I think you should not use any example in introduction. you can only paraphrase your prompt because it is required and effect the score. you need not use any comma after Although, doctor also essential ...

In the past, numerous inventions waswere discovered by inventions,here you do not need "comma" because that could ...
We should give many achivementsachievements to inventors, such as Thomas ... Can you envisage if they didn't discovered [i think you should make it clearer. wanna make a question sentence or another else , probably nowadays the most of people don't have handphone ... pay attention about superlative usages and the article that should be used. furthermore, avoid for using reducing==> did'n==> did not