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Here is my exercises of introduction in IELTS writing task 2 - are these appropriate responses?


azmi23 17 / 28 3  
Aug 25, 2016   #1
Here is my exercises of introduction in IELTS writing task 2. Please give me some advices weather it is appropriate responses or not due to the questions. If there are some words or phrases that is better to use, do not hesitate to write it down which will broaden my horizon. Best regards.

1. As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

Introduction:
Nowadays, there are many goods that are imported from a nation to another due to the increase of world market there are therefore several advantages and disadvantages for this situation, however I believe it has more disadvantages than its merits. Thus, I will discuss both in the following paragraphs.

2. In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

Introduction:
There are contradictive notions related to the young who are involved in part-time work. Several people argue that will give bad impact on children's attention, while others say, it is as important experience. By examining the statement one by one, I will present it in the following paragraphs based on my arguments.

3. Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Introduction:
There are so many services that the young generation can do, such as conducting a charity, developing their hometown, or training sports to children. The consideration of voluntary social services as a mandatory in high school subject, I truly believe that it will be necessary due to its positive impacts on surroundings. Therefore, the paragraphs below will show why I convince to say so.

TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Aug 25, 2016   #2
Hi Azmi, this is what I wrote in another answer - I hope it is ok to copy it here: There are many ways to write a good introduction, but a nice method for new learners is to follow this format. First, state that the topic is important, then explain why it is important. Then restate the prompt's question in your own words, and end the intro with a thesis statement that clearly gives your opinion and answers the prompt's question.

... due to the increase of world market[. T]here are therefore several advantages and disadvantages [of] this situation, however I believe it has ... {this is one long sentence - I would split it up into two setnences at least} Thus, I will discuss both in the following paragraphs. {I would leave out this sentence and just end with your thesis. Also I would try to add one more sentence after your first sentence to say why global trade is so important or such a big part of our lives}

... Several people argue that will [have a] bad impact on (...), it is a[n ] important experience. By examining the statement[s ] one by one, I will present it {what is "it"? your opinion? I think it is better to state your specific opinion here} in the following paragraphs ... {what is "examine the statements one by one? Which statements?}

... hometown, or training sports to children. [As concerns] The consideration of voluntary social ... Therefore, the paragraphs below ... {this is very good, but I would leave out the last sentence - it is not really necessary and it is more effective to end the intro with your opinion}


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