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The variety of essay exercises - IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - CONCLUSION and EXAMPLE


Permata992 7 / 12  
Aug 29, 2016   #1
Hello !
The following is my essay practice divided into two separated sections: Conclusion and Example.
I really welcome some feedback and comment to improve my writing skill.
Thanks for your concern..


For Conclusion part

Exercise 2
Question 1
As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances.


Answer:
Whether or not, it is evident that the advantages of importing goods from others countries is apparently outweigh the disadvantages. Although importing products to another countries will increase dependence on other nations, the disadvantage of instability of local product will for outweigh any benefits.

Question 2
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion
.

Answer:
To sum up, it is clear that a great number of children taking part in variety of paid job controversy in society. Based on my explanation, I tend to disagree with such idea because childhood period should be filled by learning to increase their ability and skills where the work experience can be gained from helping their parents.

Question 3
Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer
In conclusion, I believe that community service should be implemented in the high school program as there are numerous advantages of carrying community services. Apart from that, teenagers will learn to control their emotional.

The last part for example
There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this has led to significant improvements in people's lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Points for :
The spread of internet positive development because everyone has easy access to so abundance of information. A good example of this is a great number of students can access information easily. Many websites provide a certain quality of subject material such as IELTS material which can be downloaded by everyone in everywhere, the pattern of IELTS writing test, and many more. All of the materials will improve student's horizon. As consequently, they tend to study facilely and broaden their horizon. Therefore, the introduction of internet will give positive impact in social life if it used wisely.

Against for :
However, there are also drawbacks because of the easy access to dangerous sites. For instance, a large number of websites provide pornography information which influence children behavior negatively. A great number of pornography accident occur in the children who is age below 17 years old for several countries. As a result more young generation in more nations less their good moral. Hence, the control from the parents and government is one of the ways to secure the children from the disaster of pornography.

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,195 459  
Aug 30, 2016   #2
Whether or not,

This sounds redundant. It will not help you that much when it comes to IELTS essay. I suggest omitting it.

it is evident that the advantages of importing goods from others countries is apparently outweigh the disadvantages.

What are the advantages & disadvantages??? Say them clearly exactly upfront. Try not to present generic languages since they are vague.

it is clear that a great number of children taking part in variety of paid job controversy in society .

Thousand students include their essays with such a red phrase and therefore this phrase can be categorized as memorized language. Omit it or rewrite it.

numerous advantages of

Again, with this phrase you cannot even gain more score as they are commonly found in IELTS essays. How to solve this? you have to justify why you say so.

The spread of internet positive development

It is argued that the Internet with its positive development helps people easily gain information 24/7 with free access.


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