Exotic people's tendency to doing individual sports rather than a team sports - TOEFL

Hi ! Topic: Individual Sports or Team Sports?

Hi, Please help me. This topic is a toefl topic. I appreciate for your time and your concern, by the grace of God.

Nowadays, sports have an important role in 'duty-life' cycle of each society. Anyone in any society try to
plan for doing sports individually or by attending team sports, inasmuch as sports guarantee health. In
addition, the attitude of these individuals have a direct effect on providing a kind of sports in a society.
It stands to reason that this trait contributes to development of sports in any society. There is an exotic
people's tendency to doing individual sports rather than team sports, although they watch team sports
such as football, volleyball, basketball, and basketball, to name but a few more.

Developed countries such as United States of America, Canada, England, and Russia, to name but a
handful, concentrate quite a few supply of investments on individual sports which have beneficial
effects on the place of these countries in the world. In this context, every country attempt to stable the
attendance in the universe by different ways. Accordingly, investment on individual sports with less time
and expenditure will be given them this goal in that the number of medals or stocks which is given in
individual sports especially some events, namely Olympics are more than in team sports. For instance,
China get the most medals in each Olympics, because it makes an immense investment in these
tournaments according to the number of athletes whom this country can evoke for competitions.

Psychological theory interprets individual sports as a solution for intrinsic motivation. Each sport
motivates athletes intrinsically or extrinsically. The intrinsic motivation satisfies psychological needs
such as competence, relatedness, and autonomy. Greater feelings of autonomy causing more freedom
to making decision lead individuals to solo responsibility for strategies of success. On the other hand a
large amount of coordination was needed for changing strategies indisputably in team sports. This
attribute even affects future life of emeritus athletes of individual sports who are proprietors of
successful business. In other words, the spirit of entrepreneurship of these individuals will be the most
essential factor of survivability in a predicament and nowadays, the presence of these individuals in a
society provides this evidence.

In conclusion, with all this taken into account, individual sports have some invaluable effects on policy of
countries and physical body of humans, although the excitement of team sports under the vision of
audience supposedly is more. Choosing each type of sport surely will be valuable, even though this
choice will be a constraint. It is possible that someone choose a kind of sport against one's interest, but
there are some expectation that people select individual sports or team sports according to their needs
without considering effects of Orwellian level of government knowledge. So, selection of individual
sports for all goals represented above will be gainful.

This intro is good. Still, sentences are too long and contain bulky ideas. When it comes to introduction, your task is to simply paraphrase the prompt as the background, and state a clear thesis statement in the end of the paragraph. a closer look at my sample;

Sports have an important role in maintaining people health. As such, some people are more likely to play sports individually, since this physical activity teaches them how to motivate themselves. Yet, some others argue that playing sports in a team promotes a virtue of communal work. Therefore, it is claimed that individual sports need far higher amount of discipline.


Again, your task is to restate the introductory paragraph. You don't need to discuss new idea(s). Here is mine;
The aforementioned evidence shows that playing sports helps people stay fit. Although this physical activity can be done with teamwork, people are more likely to play sports individually to such an extent. Where possible, disciplinary action in sports should be applied progressively.

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.