Experience and soft skills are an indispensable part, which you can only get when you work part-time

students and part time job

Knowledge is important, but experience and soft skills are an indispensable part, which you can only get when you work part-time.
Learning must go hand in hand with practice for learning to be meaningful.And working part-time is your chance to apply it
This will be much better than just learning theory without practice, I think it was a great way to earn extra cash quickly to help my family or pay tuition and gain soft skills through it.

Na: So where will you go to work part-time when you don't have enough knowledge to enter the internship company. Working part-time at bars and restaurants won't help you develop the skills you'll need for your future job. Although restaurants and bars can't help you develop the skills you need for your career, it does give you life skills so you can handle life's situations more flexibly and intelligently.

I do not deny your opinion. But I think, life skills you can learn in many places, not just working part-time at restaurants and bars. You can join clubs that help develop soft skills, expand good relationships for your future, and especially we can also learn life skills there.

The most important thing is that the environment in the Club will also be much safer and healthier than in bars and restaurants.
Parents or teachers are always ready to teach you necessary life skills.

Thuong: Ok, I got it. Students can choose a suitable job to gain knowledge and practice it in their life. For example, a student majoring in English language can choose some job related to their major such as tutor, assistant teaching, translator. It helps to expand knowledge while gaining skills and experience.

Na: Well, It sounds interesting. Students should consider carefully in choosing a part-time job so that it brings many benefits to themselves and the future.

I am not sure about what the point of this writing exercise is. Was it for a creative writing class? If so, then the opening setting should be more clear about that. It should describe the opinion of the persons involved rather than the writer's opinion about the topic. The set up has to clearly indicate who has taken what side of the discussion and why.

It appears that this is supposed to be a scripted debate between 2 persons. One person asking for advice, while the other 2 have opposing views. The scene must be opened with a direct question posed by Thuong, who needs advice regarding his choices. The opposing view participants should then, deliver completely developed explanations and examples to convince Thuong that the current opinion is the correct one. However, both opinions only delve on the tip of the discussion, without actually informing Thuong of more considerable reasons that could help him come to a final decision on his own.

The scripted presentation needs more work in terms of explanation and discussion clarity. The method of presentation is creative, but lacks in essence when considering the topics for discussion. The presentation leaves more questions than answers for anyone listening/reading the presentation. It lacks a proper set-up in terms of discussion applicability and relevance.