Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS task 2 - Experiences have the major influences of people characteristic


Bayuwibowo 48 / 73 21  
Nov 2, 2015   #1
Research indicates that the characteristic we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

None of the people in the world have same characteristic. Although some scientists argue birth characteristic is the major influence of our behavior, it is agreed that long experiences will affect most of our personality and should be taken into account. This essay will discuss some explanation about experiences related to environment, education, and parents foster.

A research reveals that characteristic we are born have an immense influence in our behavior. They describe that birth characteristic can explain much more about individual personality. For instance, people with slanted eyes tend to be grumpy. In contrast, a person with wider eye has a tolerant behavior. This term has also been applied in many companies. Especially, when they looking a new candidate to fulfill the position.

For some people, achieving good behavior means they had passed many obstacles in their lives. Those experiences have shaped their personality and development. As such, success people commonly come from an individual with thought life. He has a long hard journey and faced a bitter life. In addition, people which are lives in severe environment tend to imitate their surroundings. A recent survey from BBC in 2015 discovered that juvenile delinquency happened due to an influence of their friends. From that reason, characteristic is created by experiences and this is not a gift.

In conclusion, experiences have a greater effect on our development and personality. Where possible, take as much as problems to gain more experiences. Trying to break your comfortable zone, it will bring many advantages into your characteristic.

akiraaa 7 / 20 2  
Nov 3, 2015   #2
hi Bayuwibowo,

Here is my advice on your writing.

it is agreed that longlong-term experiences will affect most of our personality and should be taken into account.This essay will discuss some explanations about experiences related to environment, education, and parents foster.

This term has also been applied in many companies,especially when they look for a new candidate to fulfill the
position.

As to content, i think you didn't fully explain your idea thoroughly. You wrote 2 sides equally in the essay and didn't emphasize on your point: experiences will affect most of our personality . I couldn't see strong proof to support your idea.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - Experiences have the major influences of people characteristic