There are two tables that show some information. The first table is about the reasons of people going abroad. The second table gives data about the target county of tourist visited. Both of tables give data since 1994 until 1998.
There are four reasons of visitors go out of the country. There are for holiday, for business, for meeting their relatives and friends, and other reasons. The commonest reason for foreign tourists to go abroad is holiday. Lot of people went to holiday in 1998. It was around 20000 people. The fewest is in the 1995. It was not more than 15000 people. Other reasons are the lowest motive to come overseas.
The targets to break on abroad were divided into three destinations. They are Western Europe, North America and other countries. The highest visitor came to Western Europe, while North America got the lowest guest in 1998. In 1995, the tourists attended less than a thousand in North America.
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Hi Hirani, welcome to EF! :)
Here's my analysis towards your essay for each paragraph. I hope that you can follow through.
1st paragraph:
- The good point from this paragraph is that you have good grammatical control, especially tenses usage. There were only minor flaws occurred, like .... sincefrom 1994 untilto 1998. However, it is unfortunate that you've also made a mistake in this paragraph, particularly in writing an overview. An overview of the chart/graph/table given is supposed to be either in the first paragraph or the last paragraph. Missing an overview would badly damage the final grade of your scoring. This mistake will drag your score down to 5.0. So, my suggestion is do NOT forget to write one.
2nd paragraph:
- There are four reasons of visitors to go out of the country.
- There areforfourtypes of holidays , for instance for business, for meeting their relatives and friends, and other reasons. (use synonyms, repetitiveness will also badly damage your score)
- Lots of people went to holiday in 1998. It was around 20000approximately 20,000 people. (the following rule about number is important in IELTS. In Indonesia, people use 20.000 to indicate that it is more than a thousand but here, people use 20,000 (comma instead of period.) You can get used to write numbers in UK/US format.)
As you can see Hirani, some suggestions have been stated clearly in order to enhance your writing skill. Feel free to ask anything if you think you need further assistance. Good luck for the next practice :)
... Both of tables give data since 1994 until 1998. (In order to end up you introduction, you should write down an overview)
I write it back, so it perhaps can help you:
The first table reveals the reason why societies were going to overseas and the next one is regarding the places where they come. The data is collected between 1994 and 1998. It is important to notice that going vacation was the popular reason among the visitors.The spot where they were going mostly in Western Europe.
There are for holiday, for business, for meeting their relatives and friends, and other reasons. (WE CALL IT SHOPPING LISTING, IT CAN DECLINE YOUR MARK) ...
Again, I rewrite it down,
Moving to the more detail analysis, in the first table, the number of dwellers going to a holiday broke the record as the highest one from 1994 to 1998 while it has been followed by the business' level. The rest of the numbers only is a small proportion. Again, comparing with all of years, 1998 is the busiest year where the number of people going to other countries increased dramatically from 2.744.700 in previous year to 2.882.800.
The targets to break on abroad were divided into three destinations. They are Western Europe, North America and other countries (AGAIN SHOPPING LISTING)....
Again, I rewrite it down,
A part from previous comparison, Western Europe become the first choice on the top of the list since it leads the data in four years period. North America and other areas were left behind by the highest with the gap overall approximately 1.900.000 people.
Hi Hirani,
- There are two tables that show some information [...]
Here is the alternative: The first table shows the reason why people going abroad and the second table explain about which country people visited in 1994 to 1998.
I think you need more practices how to do grouping also enrich the vocabularies.Hopefully it helps.
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