IELTS writing task 2: Explanation about the superiority of online shopping

I sincerely thank you all for your attention and replies!

virtual commerce versus traditional shopping

Due to the advent of the Internet, breakthrough of technology, trading and purchasing through the virtual environment are on the considerable increase. While the new approach is believed to have some visible concerns, the benefits it provides makes those troubles pale in comparison. Therefore, this essay will explain the justifications for the superiority of online shopping.

Credibility is the fundamental principle when exchanging. Many customers get stuck in the deception of the quality of their purchased goods which are on the opposite of what they are advertised by social media-based sellers. Due to that reason, colossal companies like Tiki or Amazon in that field have tackled the problem with myriad number of supervising teams who are responsible for qualifying the product. Once the qualifying process is over, critics in comment sections about the product will re-evaluate it more precisely. Therefore, providers who are untrustworthy will be dispensed which eliminate the scams and unqualified products.

Another justifiable reason raising concerns about shopping on virtual basis is outdated products. Fortunately, as the number of users on electrical commerce do not show any sign of declining, the consumption will outweigh the remaining or not-yet-purchased in warehouses conditioning new ones to fill in the blanks. In addition to that, online commerce suppliers also cooperate with offline stores to circulate the cycle of products. In short, provided that more and more people switch the conventional shopping choices to online purchasing, outdated remainings will be minimized to the rate that it is no longer to give rise to worries.

In conclusion, the more popularity virtual commerce gets which is certainly inevitable in light of the worldwide spread of the Internet, the more disadvantages traditional shopping behaviors will suffer.

Note: I really yearn for the points (on scale 9.0 like ielts) of this essay

You are just trying to throw together English words that you feel will score you a high score. The statement is totally unnatural in feel. It does not show your ability to use everyday English in a simple discussion presentation. Your focus on the LR aspect of scoring has caused your presentation to be confusing in content to the reader. There is a simple rule for writing the Task 2 essay that will help you score well, keep it simple. Do not try to impress the examiner with your vocabulary. That will backfire. This really sounds like you used a dictionary while you were writing. It is trying too hard to impress the examiner, who will be irritated instead. Use everyday English language, that is what will inform the examiner of your ability to make yourself understood clearly in an ordinary discussion setting.