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Yuki Nguyen 1 / 2  
Jan 7, 2020   #1
Hello everyone,
I currently try to improve my writing skill. Could you please help me to check this essay and give me advices. Thank you in advance. Have a nice day.

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all shops in towns and cities closing.

Do you agree or disagree?

We are now living in a 4.0 industrial revolution that allows us to purchase almost everything with just one click. Online shopping becomes popular as a global trend and some people might think that all the stores are going to disappear but as far as I concerned the store still have an irreplaceable role.

First of all, online purchases can not replace the customer's experience. For example, when people buy clothes online, most of them might confuse about the quality that just can be felt by their hands. Sometimes, the color of the clothes when we see on the website might have a bit different compared to reality.

Moreover, many companies or stores now already aware of customer's needs. They try to figure out their selling point, combine many convenience services for customers who come to the store like a promotion campaign or making a great experience. For example, some of the bookstores might include a coffee shop so people could meet up with their friends, reading books or self-study.

Furthermore, as a marketing strategy, a store located in a favorable position could attract audiences and their brand will be recognized by huge target customers. It helps increase their profit and even their reputation.

On the whole, the store provides not only the goods but also it bring us real experience. So we could say that people tend to shop online but stores might still be maintained and developt.
Miss Zune 101 - / 1 1  
Jan 7, 2020   #2
Hi Yuki! Your writing skills makes me inspired. The statements in your essay are coherent each other. Good organizations but this essay is about the opinion essay so u need to highlight the aspect of your viewpoint vividly. Great Job I think you might get 7.0 band score for this essay.
OP Yuki Nguyen 1 / 2  
Jan 8, 2020   #3
@Miss Zune 101
Thank you so much for your feedback Ms.Zune. I really appreciate.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,749 3795  
Jan 14, 2020   #4
Your thesis statement is not complete. The failed to answer the question, do you agree or disagree? The last sentence of this essay should have reflected your response to the question. That is imperative since your TA score, which weighs heavily in the final scoring process, is all based upon the proof of your English comprehension skills. The thesis statement at the end of the introduction is the reflection of that assessment. While the rest of your essay is relevant to the prompt provided, you will still get a score mark down because of the incomplete prompt response at the start. You need to make sure that you clearly indicate your response to the question in the last sentence. Always review the essay prompt towards the end of your writing and make sure that your essay has responded to all the expectations of the prompt requirements.
OP Yuki Nguyen 1 / 2  
Jan 14, 2020   #5
Thanks for your advices. I will try to fix it. I hope I can have your review on my essay next time. Good day.