Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


Exploring outer space, governments should spend as much money as possible?



s033591 7 / 7  
Feb 11, 2011   #1
Full Title :
Some people think governments should spend as much money as possible exploring outer space (for example, traveling to the
Moon and to other planets). Other people disagree and think governments should spend this money for our basic needs on
Earth. Which of these two opinions do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.


spend this money on the earth!



Here's my article. Please give me some suggestion, thanks a lot.

I do not agree that governments should spend as much money as possible to invest the development of outer space. According to the report, we all know the tough situation of people in Russia because of large amount of money spending for the exploration of outer space. Hence, it is more appropriate to spend this money for our basic needs on earth. There are couples of reasons why I embrace this point.

It is more down to earth to fix the problem of people's living condition. People who live not only in Russia but also many countries are leading a miserable life, hence what they need is to satisfy the basic needs for life. So if they don't need to worry about their lives in the future, there will be less financial problems for the government and the whole society will get better off in the future. I think this is the basic function the government should provide.

In addition to the economic issue, the issue of alternative energies could be another problem. If governments spend most money searching an appropriate planet for people to live in, they will have limited funds to support to investigation of this project. Based on many studies, the amounts of oil may exhaust in this century, therefore if we don't have alternatives in our hands, it's hard to imagine how we can survive in a such condition. For the reason, I strongly recommend to spend more money on the issues which are related to earth.

Based on the issue of alternatives energies, it also bring another problems. Since the government find a planet which is able for people to live in, is it impossible to move all the people to the new place ? It could be far away from the earth, so it's unlikely for people to get there. What is more worse, the government end up with nothing. Because the studies of finding a suitable planet has investigated for many years, it is very likely finding nothing in this infinite space.

In conclusion, it is impractical to spend as much money as possible on outer space because it may be a waste of money and may deteriorate the quality of lives. On the contrary, spend this money on the earth could fix all these problems.

yecochi 4 / 5  
Feb 12, 2011   #2
hi s033591,
Not too bad.
The following is just some personal suggestions

... a miserable life; hence what ...

... this century. Therefore if ...
... related to THE earth. (recommend someone to do something; "the earth" - when refer to the planet/ land on which we live)[/b]

What is more worse, the government MAY/MIGHT end up with nothing.
... planet HAVE BEEN CONDUCTED investigated for many years ...

(What is worse, the government might ultimately find nothing in the infinite outer space, since the possibility to relocate to another planet has been explored for many years but in vain.)


... on the earth could fix all these problems . (I feel it sounds a little bit too general and dogmatic.)
OP s033591 7 / 7  
Feb 12, 2011   #3
yecochi
Thanks for your kind corrections.

I think they are quite useful, especially the last sentence. It may take more efforts to accomplish the last paragraph.
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Feb 19, 2011   #4
In addition to the very thorough feedback from Chi-han Huang, I want to add a point that might improve your writing.

Say it.
Explain it.
Say it again.

What is "it" ...?
It is your main message. You can say it in 1 sentence. I think you should add a sentence to the end of the first paragraph, and let it be a sentence that tells your main point.

Then, in the body of the essay you will explain it, and at the end of the essay you will say it again in another sentence that expresses it in a different way.

So essay-writing is like expressing one big idea in a deep, thorough way. Say it, explain it, and say it again.

:-)


Home / Writing Feedback / Exploring outer space, governments should spend as much money as possible?
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Need professional help with your assignments? Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳