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Extreme sports are dangerous and should be banned - is it a good option?

rearthinkite381 1 / 3  
Feb 9, 2020   #1
(Body 2+ Conclusion).

living a full life

On the other hand, vigorous sports have their own advantages so as to maintain. First, in order to save people's lives, these kinds of sports should not be prohibited. In fact, the original purposes of these sports are survival skills for specific people living in special conditions, as a pilot, for example, he or she needs to master the way to parachute safely or in heavy-snow countries, people can find it easy to move throughout getting used to playing skiing, which plays an important role in daily life and improves their life qualities. Second, thanks to the proliferation of protective equipment, the risks would be in low level. Obviously, in the best conditions with the support of brakes and helmets, there are no longer affairs than before, which helps participants play as well as they could.

In conclusion, vigorous sports, such as skiing or sky diving, should be remained. By doing this, people can ensure their lives and promote their out-door activities in hard conditions.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,956 4810  
Feb 9, 2020   #2
A proper review of your essay cannot be made due to the incomplete posting. However, a review of your adherence to British English grammar rules and other non-TA related considerations may be completed. Sorry, this is the best anybody here can do without having the complete prompt and essay to read, review, and consider.

Try to use more descriptive adjectives in your essay. For example, you said "hard conditions" when the situation normally finds the athletes dealing with "HARSH conditions." I know you meant to use the term harsh but did not recall the proper term to use while writing the essay. Don't use a word that sounds similar to what you want to use if you cannot recall the correct word to use. You might use it in the wrong context and in effect, harm your GRA plus C&C scores.

Your sentences also need to be more concise in presentation. Use simple words to refer to certain discussions (as to = to) will be more helpful to your score instead of complicating the presentation in a manner that could affect the clarity of your presentation. It is better to present straightforward discussions as opposed to overdeveloped but wrongly worded sentences.
OP rearthinkite381 1 / 3  
Feb 9, 2020   #3

yeah, i see.

thank you for your comment.

have a nice day!

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