Face-to-face interaction between people is getting rare these days

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society

Thanks to technological advancement- with the aid of various state-of-the-art devices, people these days are able to communicate via online social networking sites including Facebook, Messenger or Telegram. As far as I am concerned, there are both upsides and downsides to this phenomenon, yet its drawbacks still prevail. This essay will attempt to expound my standpoint as follows.

To begin with, a great deal of advocates are inclined to the viewpoint that benefits of social platforms are varied. One of the most prominent attractions is the comfort amid distance communication. This is because people nowadays are increasingly accustomed to living in a world that appreciates intelligent gadgets and online apps, thus social media may play an integral role in their maxims. Take Telegram as a vivid illustration, this app enables people all around the world to connect, communicate and discuss their work through video calls with vivid images and stable internet connection and also without any charge of fees. These kinds of social platforms, moreover, are also perceived as a tool that enable far-distance relatives and acquaintances to stay in contact.

On the other hand, despite these aforementioned merits described above, they are still eclipsed by the demerits. First and foremost, being over-reliant on these intelligent apps, people are more susceptible to a serious lack of social skills including face-to-face interaction, basic human contact and the confidence among the crowd. This has mostly stemmed from the fact that over-exposure to social media may discourage real interaction in public such as gestures and touch, which may drive them to the state of alienation and social predisposition. Coupled with this is the potential of cyber-crimes and anonymous hackers, who can easily steal their personal information and take advantage of them for negative purposes.

In conclusion, it is incontrovertible that social networking sites bring in an array of benefits to occupied people as it can save a lot of time for them, yet it seems to me that direct communication could not be superseded due to basic human contact.

The writer has not done a very good job of restating the prompt. He over informed the reader, creating a discussion basis not indicated in the original presentation. This is actually just a 3 sentence restatement + writer opinion paragraph. After a simple topic restatement, the next sentence should have been a clear writer opinion based on the keywords "advantage or disadvantage". The last sentence should be the merged 2 reasons that will be discussed within the essay. This is the format that must be followed if the writer wishes to achieve at least a 50% passing score for the overall essay, based on the opening paragraph alone.

The reasoning paragraphs are not convincingly developed. Why does the writer see the use of social media as a disadvantage rather than an advantage? Sure he stated that it is an advantage, but the focus of his essay must be on proving that the advantage, as believed by others, is actually a disadvantage. If one were to proceed to read the disadvantage paragraph, one will notice a disconnection between the previous paragraph and the next one. That is why it is important to use 2 topic and example paragraphs that focus on convicing the reader that the advantages are true disadvantages.

The presentation is only acceptable in the last part, since this is the portion that supports the writer's actual opinion. The previous paragraph will not be considered a part of the developed presentation. It will represent an undedevelopment of the discussion instead and will lower the score accordingly.

You indeed gave a good start and a nice ending,but you are too detailed in the middle which make some parts unnecessary for the topic. Make it to the point opinion and not too dramatic.

ALL THE BEST