Unanswered [8] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS Writing task 2- The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction


MJaylee 1 / -  
Feb 25, 2021   #1
The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society.
DO YOU THINK THE ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?


It is an indisputable fact that in our modern life, the traditional way of communication with other people in person has been replaced with high-tech measures such as Zalo, Facebook. Although I admit there have been a few harmful effects of social media usage, I suppose the changes have been, by and large, beneficial.

A very important advantage of technological methods to consider is that it has created greater opportunities for people who live in rural areas to receive appropriate healthcare services and education. Without a doubt, the use of social media helps these people not just to pursue their studies but also is one of the efficient measures helping doctors provide proper treatment to far-away patients. Furthermore, thanks to technological development, people nowadays do not have to take a long-distance way to go to work, instead of that, they can just simply turn on their computers and communicate with numerous clients and colleagues at home. A concrete example of this is because of the recent pandemic, lots of people have to stay at home and social media becomes an essential way to work and study all over the world.

On the other hand, the use of social networks in an inappropriate way has caused a range of tremendous problems. First of all, modern teenagers tend to communicate by Facebook, Messenger and seem to forget how to speak to a real person in reality. As a result, they do not have opportunities to develop their social skills and lack confidence to speak in front of the crowd when needed. Another disadvantage is that working long hours with electronic devices could damage our vision permanently. Thankfully, there are still several means to tackle those harms, such as creating a routine that allows you to have a break during a long time of using computers so that you can spend more time with your friends and families.

In conclusion, though there are some drawbacks, I strongly believe that the tendency to use social media as a primary measure to communicate generally brings more significant benefits than harms to every individual and community.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,887 3555  
Feb 26, 2021   #2
The comparison discussion for this single opinion essay is not very well presented. That is because the instruction is asking you to weigh the advantages against the disadvantages of socializing through non physical methods. Your essay response is focused on healthcare, working from home, and other non-social media based activities. The focus on reasons, without actual connections with social media presented, is what created incoherent discussion paragraphs. If you wanted to discuss how social media is used for health purposes, then you should have cited how the hospitals could only accept Covid patients during the pandemic, forcing doctors to do remote consultations with their patients via Zoom, Messenger and other means. This created an advantage in a position where it is normally considered a disadvantage due to the non - physical nature of the consultation. Explain how the job was still accurately done even without face to face interaction, using social media. That is now what you depicted in your explanation, which made it an irrelevant reference in the discussion. The same goes for the job reference. How did this non-physical scenario prove to be beneficial when say, a building inspector needed to investigate the integrity of the building materials, without being physically present to test it?

The proper format is to take a perceived disadvantage and explain how it became an advantage. The pandemic makes this highly easy to discuss since everything has become remote and, everyone has to use social media even if just for ordering groceries. The conclusion only has 35 words in it when the requirement is at least 40 words. You should do a better job of restating your discussion points within the advantage and disadvantage summary set up.
blueskysg 2 / 3 1  
Mar 1, 2021   #3
@MJaylee: your essay is good with rich vocabulary. In my opinion, you should write stronger and clearer sentences instead of involving many things. Furthermore, going with the disadvantages first and then the advantages will be easier since you lean to its advantages.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2- The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction