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What factors damage the environment and who should take responsibility? - IELTS WARRIOR



Mr Calma 17 / 2  
Aug 25, 2025   #1
Environmental damage is the problem of most countries. What factors damage the environment and who should take responsibility?

Nowadays, environments in many nations suffer from destruction, which has become one of the most serious problems in these countries. This stems from the industrial era and a lack of awareness among people about preserving natural habitats. Therefore, governments are accountable for implementing solutions such as shifting to green energy and improving citizens' perception.

There are two significant causes of environmental damage, including industrialization. This era requires a large amount of energy for the economy's improvement; however, the main source of energy is fossil fuel, including coal, which can generate a ton of exhaust gas and contaminants. For example, an average energy-generating plant in Vietnam uses millions of tons of coal annually. As a result, the surrounding areas are becoming polluted over time by the gas emissions and industrial waste from this company. Besides, people's unawareness is a great contributor to this problem. Due to the lack of education, individuals can easily damage the natural habitats. To illustrate, in some mountainous regions in Vietnam, people often burn forests to create farmland, leading to the migration of animals. Thereby, their activities result in the loss of biodiversity.

To address this problem, governments should switch to renewable energy sources . They can formulate laws and policies related to the consumption of green energy to encourage citizens to use more sustainable energy, such as biogas. To be specific, the UK's authorities will impose strict penalties if citizens disobey the energy laws; nevertheless, if people follow the regulations, they can receive financial aid from the government's funds. As a result, many people have switched to renewable energy sources, which contributes to a greener country. Moreover, governments should also provide individuals with adequate education on how to preserve the environment. By organising more online courses about the importance of protecting ecosystems, people can have a fresh perspective about conserving their surrounding environment.

In conclusion, the industrial period and the lack of residents' perception are the two major factors leading to environmental destruction in numerous countries. Hence, governments need to hold a special place in tackling this problem by encouraging renewable energy and raising people's awareness.

I am looking forward to your advice.
Mr Calma
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15921  
Aug 25, 2025   #2
There is an LR problem in the first paragraph. There is a big difference between damage and desctruction. Damage means broken, but repairable. Destruction means damaged beyond repair / irrepairable. The reference in the original prompt is "damaged" so the first definition applies. You exaggerated your reference and will lose points in the LR section because you did not use an appropriate alternative word in this section. With regards to the responsibility of the government, your simple evidence statement should show a connection between the actions and man and why the government must be held accountable for the action, with the expanded explanation coming up in the next 2 paragraphs. So you still have a score reducing problem with regards to the way that you approach the prompt restatement and writer's opinion. I believe this is because you are trying to use advanced or impressive English words, when simple everyday English word references will suffice for the examiner to judge your vocabulary skills.

You are over explaining in your paragraphs and using unrelated reasons. You should write no more than 5 sentences per paragraph and use connecting words that will highlight the relationship between reason 1 and reason 2. That does not exist in your second paragraph so the score will be based on unrelated reasons. Use the correct transition phrases or sentence transitions to score better next time.

These are the main reasons that your score will be lower than expected for this essay prompt. Will it pass? Perhaps. Again, it will not be higher than the base score because the deductions in the preliminary scoring considerations still exist in a different manner this time.


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