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Factory and its aftermaths


Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Oct 14, 2014   #1
A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

Building factories near the place where live by numerous people has lots of disadvantages and non-advantages. Since, we will have experience the loudest noises. Furthermore, it tends to make our health worse. That is why, this is a stance that I support.

Factories are one of many parts of causing global warming and contaminated airs and water or surroundings. Moreover, it can lead people and their kids who dwell nearby toward numerous diseases or such as cancers and so on. For the reason that, factories produce lots of emissions which are contain a variety types of chemical substance. Therefore, people who reside around the factories and the future generations are in some serious danger.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 15, 2014   #2
Building factories near the place where live by numerous people has lots of disadvantages and non-advantages. Since, we will have experience the loudest noises. Furthermore, it tends to make our health worse. That is why, this is a stance that I support.

- I don't know where to begin with the errors in this statement. The grammatical errors abound and the way you expressed yourself has not improved over the past essays. In this paragraph, you were supposed to present your stance on the issue. All you said was that this was a stance that you support. What stance is that? You mentioned 2 stands on the issue and did not clarify which one you were against. Rephrase the paragraph please.

Factories are one of many parts of causing global warming and contaminated airs and water or surroundings.

- Where are your examples to support this claim? Remember an advantage and disadvantage essay is useless without supporting facts and evidence.

Moreover, it can lead people and their kids who dwell nearby toward numerous diseases or such as cancers and so on. For the reason that, factories produce lots of emissions which are contain a variety types of chemical substance.

- As proven by what? Discuss this as a separate paragraph.

Therefore, people who reside around the factories and the future generations are in some serious danger. By way of illustration, imagine yourself living near the huge factory. It is inevitable for you to pass it by without inhaling some of its emissions. Consequently, it will make a horrible impact on your health. Furthermore, it can affect badly on your child.

- Again, this should be a separate paragraph. Never bunch your reasons in one paragraph because you fail to present supporting evidence when you do that.

In terms of noisiness, it is obvious that factories must contain its employer.

- This sentence does not make any sense. What exactly are you trying to say here? Try to rephrase it in a simple manner so that you can hopefully present your thought more clearly. .

They will commence to discuss about their problems. They might begin to laugh or joke and judging outside the factory. Of course, it does not apply to every single person on this planet. However, people and their offspring cannot escape from hearing those unpleasant noises. For instance, after a hard work . Worker desire to relax and temporarily forget about their tough tasks. In order to fully relish the time, they will communicate to each other to relieved their stresses. Meantime, a grandmother who reads newspapers and drinks coffee daily will get disturbed by those people. Since, she cannot focus on her reading and drinking, because of those noises.

- You should instead be talking about the noise pollution created by their machines and operating equipment during sleeping hours for the neighborhood.

By way of conclusion based on the arguments explored above. I firmly believe that there are no advantages for people who live near the factory. While, there are numerous drawbacks such as noises and diseases that people might suffer because of the factories.

- Your conclusion should state that these are the reasons why you oppose the building of a factory in your neighborhood and summarize the facts.
OP Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Oct 15, 2014   #3
vangiespen, would you mind telling me any tips to improve the way i express?:D
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 16, 2014   #4
Vns, one of the ways you can practice or improve the way that you express yourself in English is by writing creative short stories where you have dialogue's between people. This will help you practice your tenses as well. You can write the short stories in either present, future, or past tense. Using dialogue that you know will help your story along. You can also practice by reading news articles in English and then writing what you understand about it in essay form. There is no sure proof way of practicing writing, reading, and speaking in English. That only comes with years of daily practice. You can do your best to achieve that by immersing yourself in the English world and then practicing how to write in English. It is easier to express yourself in written English rather than spoken English because written English allows you to choose your words carefully, making sure it is suitable to the topic, before you use it. Unlike spoken English that does not allow you to revise and edit what you have said. I hope this advice helps you out :-)
OP Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Oct 16, 2014   #5
vangiespen, i have just redone my essay check it out;D
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 16, 2014   #6
Vns, I just have some suggestions to make :-) Study the way I reworded the essay that you wrote. I gave it a more academic and professional approach in order to make it more effective.

The majority of people these days would prefer to live as far from factories as possible. Since, it causes a lot of noises. Moreover, it can affect badly for people's health. As analyzed above, I oppose the upcoming plan.

- People these days would rather live far away from factories because of the noise pollution and health risks that its operation exposes the community to. That is why I am joining the other community members in opposing the building of a factory near our community.

- Written this way, you cover the prompt restatement, discussion presentation, and your personal opinion in a mere 2 lines :-)

When it comes to factories, the first thing came to my mind is noisiness. Obviously, There are numerous people who work as an employee in factories. Furthermore, there are lots of equipment and operating equipment. Therefore, it will mar our peaceful atmosphere. By way of illustration, envision yourself resting at night from the tough daily routine. Normally, you will feel the nature, sleeping at night. However, all of a sudden, those machines that factories utilize to produce their product continuously emit some horrible noises, and in parallel, you will hear the noises from workers who are discussing about how underprivileged are their families. Clearly, you will be interrupted by those aforementioned external facts.

- Factories cause an uncontrollable amount of noise because of the equipment that is used in their production line. Opening the factory will remove the peace and tranquility of our community. Coming to noise and air pollution after a long day of hard work is not the way community members want to spend their rest time. They wish to have a peaceful atmosphere conducive to rest and relaxation, not stress from machine noise and air pollution.

Also, it is not the end of the story. People who dwell near the factory can acquire lots of diseases. In fact, there is an article that proved the difference of the health between people who live far away from the factories and the ones who reside near it. The static shows that life expectancy of people who live around the factories can greatly reduce. Since, there are tremendous chemical substance contains in factories' emissions and the people who live around it cannot evade from inhaling it each day. It will accumulate, as time goes by. Hence, it can lead to many diseases such lung cancer, heart disease e.t.c. For instance, imagine yourself going to the university and the only path to reach there is by passing the factory. This circumstance will daily happen.

- Health issues also about for those who live near factories. The health problems have been attributed to the extreme amount of chemical substances released into the water and air of a community. The Pan Pacific Electric and Gas Company was one of the largest lawsuits ever before brought the courts that more than proved the ill effects of building a factory of any sort, near a community, can cause.

- By using a solid example rather than third party information, you add academic credibility to your paper.

By way of conclusion based on the arguments explored above. Noisiness, are the facts that made me totally oppose of building a factory near our home. Since, we cannot sleep properly at night due to machines and workers. Furthermore, it contaminates air , thus leading us toward unhealthy l

- It is because of the aforementioned reasons that I strongly support the opposition to the building of a factory near our community. Noise and health issues are not supposed to be a daily part of our lives, by allowing the factory to rise, these will become part of our daily activities instead. Therefore, the factory should not be allowed to open near the community.
OP Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Oct 17, 2014   #7
vangiespen, thanks for advice but is is okay to make some information up or to lie. I mean would TOEFL check thoroughly the information that i wrote?

For instance, The Pan Pacific Electric and Gas Company
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 17, 2014   #8
Vns, when it comes to verifying the content of your essay, I cannot assure you that the TOEFL examiner will not double check the information. The reason I advised you to add factual information to your essay such as the Pan Pacific Electric data, was because it was an internationally popular class lawsuit in the United States. As such, it would add to the impression that you are quite familiar with the history of the United States, it's pop culture, and its relation to their current events. Always remember that you need to impress your examiner, not with big words or simply filling up the screen with words. You need to prove your intelligence, familiarity with the language you are using, and a knowledge of the history and culture of the United States.

When I took the TOEFL, I scored highly in the essay portion because I was able to relate the prompt that was provided with Benjamin Franklin's kite experiment and their modern use of electricity. My answer so impressed the examiner that I almost got a perfect score on the essay portion.My essay was creative, informative, and proved an intelligent grasp of the United States as a country. Hence my extremely high score. That is why I always advice you guys to make the essay intelligent without using big words that may or may not impress the examiner. It is the information contained in the essay that they analyze, not the words you used or the number of words on the paper.


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