IELTS Writing Task 2: family members have less communications with each other compared to the past

Question:
Many people believe that family members have less communications with each other compared to the past.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Over the past decades, everyone has been witnessed numerous inevitable challenges in today's life. Because of this matter, a section of society claims that families have faced a lack of communication compared to the earlier days, and I agree with them. I sincerely believe that this situation is the result of the type of individuals' attitude to how they have a better life.

To reach prosperity, people of today need to do more work. Moreover, due to the growth of technology and social media, the majority of the population has spent most of the leisure time in, and so eventually never be any time for the loved ones. Following modern life lead to some habitual acts among citizens such as lesser talking and faster transfer data by anyway. For instance, one research at UCLA university over 10 years ago, shows that parents of preschoolers have got little time by playing their own children, about 15% lesser than the past decade at beginning of the research.

On the other hand, there is a great difference in perspective among elderly people, youngsters, and kids, through each age group experienced a various type of lifestyle as well as facilities. Therefore, they have not any tendency to more connection with other family members. While the extinction of interaction between relatives who lived earlier periods, they had more sympathy and empathy for each other; one of the significant means which makes a sustainable family.

By way of conclusion, modern family has faced to lack of time to spend by together, yet I want to restate that its reasons are the kind of today's lifestyle and moreover, by Contrasts of views.

The question is asking you a question that deals with the present time. Therefore, it is improper for you to use the past tense reference for the activity "witnessing" You say that people either "bear witness to the current development of" or, "have been witnessing", which means to see something consistently from the past to the present time. You also began a sentence with the conjunction "because". You cannot start any sentence with a conjunction as the use of the word requires a pre-existing set of information to justify coming from the beginning sentence information.

Your example in the second paragraph is also incorrect as it deal with playing time instead of communication time. You need to provide relevant examples that focus on the given topic. Never change the information to suit what you know. Your information should always suit the required discussion points as provided.

The second reasoning paragraph does not contain a reason and justification for your point of view. You have not focused on truly convincing the reader of your point of view as your topics do not relate to communication. There are no clear examples to support your claims as you indicated in your prompt paraphrase.

Review your apostrophe uses. You do not need an apostrophe in reference to the plural form of "individuals". In the concluding paragraph, do not use a memorized phrase such as "by way of conclusion" because that is not only an improperly formatted sentence, but it also does not show any grammar range or skill on your part that would indicate an English writing proficiency.