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[IELTS Writing Task 2] - TV alienates family members

chantieh 3 / 8 1  
Jul 16, 2017   #1
Some people hold that it is the television that alienates the relationship of family members. To what extend to you agree or disagree?

Here is my essay:

TV screen can strengthen the bonds among family members

With the blooming of many inventions over past decades, TV has find its way to become an important part of our daily life as it is very convenient for recreational and news spreading purposes. However, some people are convinced that television has taken up too much time and it is the cause that distances the relationships within family. I am only partially in agreement with such statement for the following reasons.

First of all, I agree that nowadays, as TV is a very convenient and available ways to destress, many people are spending too much time screening it instead of talking to their family members. However, I believe that it is not the TV to blame, but the lack of communication within the family itself that creates such behavior. If family members are more actively engaged in communicating with each other, such as asking about their working day, talking more about mutual interests, the time individuals spend on just watching TV should be reduced significantly.

Secondly, the fact that television gives people more mutual grounds cannot be denied. As family is a group of people of different range of ages and interests, it is hard to find a mutual concern for everyone to talk about. However, TV provides people with handy daily news both domestically and internationally, music programs, or series of movies, and so on, which everyone can talk about while enjoying their family's meals. For instance, in my family, both young and elder generations enjoy watching Big Bang theory, MasterChef, and we discuss and share our opinions about the show. Watching TV together can be considered an adhesive device that connects family members as well as helps each one rewind after such hardworking day. What is more, through discussion over a TV show, family members may have more chances to get to understand each other better.

In conclusion, I am convinced that TV does not taint or alienate the relationships within a family, and if the time devoted to watching TV is proper, such small screen can strengthen the bonds among members.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,430 4691  
Jul 16, 2017   #2
Chantel, you have acquitted yourself very well in the opening statement. It is a confident reproduction of your original prompt requirements. The fact that you knew to measure the degree of your agreement with the statement shows that you took the time to carefully analyze the statement and consider the related factors. I just hope that you did not take too much time in considering your response because time is of the essence in writing these Task 2 essays. You don't have the luxury of time to seriously analyze and consider your response to the essay. Don't take more than 10 minutes to analyze the topic and formulate a draft response ok?

Now, for the actual essay, the second paragraph is not really remarkable nor impressive since it doesn't related directly to the statement that you made in your opening paragraph. The real strength of this essay is in the way that you developed the third paragraph, which would have been better to present as your second paragraph because it directly relates to your opinion on the matter. In this type of essay, you need not discuss both sides, just the side that you are agreeing to. Make sure to indicate a more solid degree of agreement in the statement by indicating that "My partial agreement with the statement is based upon my personal experience regarding the matter."

Your concluding statement is good but improperly presented. The concluding paragraph would have been even stronger if you had presented the information in individual sentences. These related sentences would have resulted in an excellent summary of the prompt, discussion presented, and your personal opinion on the matter.

Everything considered, even with the errors that you made, I must acknowledge that you have the potential to perform very well in this section of the test. You just need to develop your essay writing and analytical skills over time and more practice tests.
Minh Nguyen 2 / 3  
Jul 17, 2017   #3
You make many grammatical mistakes in your paper. However, speaking of the content, it is clear enough for readers to comprehend.
In conclusion, keep up the good work!
lavonnamark 2 / 2  
Jul 17, 2017   #4
overall, good essay. I would fix some of the grammar mistakes tho such as find=found in the first sentence, also I think you should add a sentence or two to the conclusion as its a bit too short.

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