Family - Men or Women take responsibility in raising children

proportion in upbringing children

Mother and father are both responsible for children's growth. However, some people assert that women play more important part in upbringing children than men. By the contrast, others believe that men are as good as woman in parenting. From a personal viewpoint, I have to totally with the former.

First and further, mothers have a closer relationship to their offspring because mothers get attached to the child from the birth. Kids spend most of their childhood with mothers. Therefore, a child is impacted more by his mom. In addition, a mother is the only person taking all sorts of care of the child, such as feeding, bathing and taking care of him when he is sick. Moreover, when a child grows up and goes to school, mother looks after kid's study, homework, project both at school and at home. Mother pays attention to every small things in everywhere relating to her child.

Another interesting point is that women usually spend more time with their children than men because, in many countries, they are usually less engaged in working. Men play a crucial role of breadwinner and they cannot spend much time with children as women do. Thus, it makes mom-kid bond stronger. Apart from that, mother is the person who children usually confine in, share emotion, problems and ask for advices first. Mothers understand their offspring than anyone.

However, we cannot refuse important role of fathers, men make a living for his family and future financially secure for their kids. Making sure the best condition in raising children is as crucial as the time playing with kids and sharing family moments.

In conclusion, both men and women share equal proportion in upbringing children. But women keep greater ability in parenting than men do.

In introduction you did not present any thesis statement, so that the paragraph seemed weak without proposing some short topic ideas that you have eventually brought on the following body.

Even though the first agreement (introduction paragraph) owing to a certain position, the new idea in paragraph 4 possibly distract the original idea of you. By this i mean, you stated to fully agree with mother plays a more important role than men, but in paragraph 4 the arguments outweigh this view. In my opinion, once you says a fully agreement, do not mix with another weakened-idea.

Pham, without the actual prompt requirement that you are responding to for comparison purposes, I cannot authoritatively say that you did good work on this essay. This forum requires the original prompt requirement from the practice test, and the test name in order for a contributor to accurately consider the type of work that you did based upon preset conditions.

Your opening statement lacks the subject in the last sentence. You have the verb "totally agree" but no subject (totally agree with what?). This causes immense confusion for the reader, who already does not have a clear idea as to what the prompt statement is and what sort of discussion is required.

Your paragraph lengths are inconsistent. The second paragraph goes beyond the paragraph maximum sentence requirement of 5 sentences. Learn to say more with less sentences. The key is to show off your English writing skills in a manner that proves you can think and write in English using as few words as possible. That is why there is a maximum sentence and minimum word count requirement per essay.

The fourth and fifth paragraphs lack the minimum 3 sentence requirement. Please make sure to always present complete paragraphs or risk losing Coherence and Cohesiveness points in the final scoring.

I could have offered a more complete review if you had given the original prompt along with your response. Please do so in the next essay so that you can get the full benefit of essay reviews from me as a contributor.