Unanswered [1]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


IELTS Task 2: Famous People Like Celebrities or Athletes Almost Are Reported by The Media



fahmisadja 33 / 33  
Nov 17, 2015   #1
The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, Famous people like celebrities or athletes almost are reported by the media whereas the reporters also investigate about their lives to be informed. I argue that the media has done the right way while this gives good impacts and great perceptions for the audiences. However, the media also needs to announce common individuals who have extraordinary achievements or powerful influences.

The media provides good and bad information for society. For example, the media reveals several habits of the idols such as dating with someone, buying luxury cars, or beating other celebrities. All these activities are not significant effects and positive perceptions for the fans. On the other hand, the media sometimes exposes the great attractions that perform their skills or abilities in singing, dancing, acting and magic. In addition, some good news about athletes, who win in international competitions and get medals, have to be published to motivate people to do similar achievement.

However, I totally believe that the media needs to expose common people who are awarded because of their ideas, skills or abilities to the audience. For instance, Masril Koto, a person who has no formal education, becomes a hero at small village in Sumatra since he initiates to create a special bank for farmers called 'Bank Tani'. Next, his idea gains the good response from local people even national as he can help the farmers to improve their field by managing debt to buy fertilizers or seeds. Therefore, Koto receives two awards, 'Danamon Award' and 'Indonesia Berprestasi Award'. This good news is worthy to spread spirit and inspiring for other people to do kindness.

To sum up, the media needs to report the life styles or activities of popular people if the information has good values and positive impacts for people. Moreover, the media has to balance with conveying inspiring stories, so people can imitate the ideas or spirits.

Nofrinorman 27 / 16  
Nov 17, 2015   #2
Hello fahmi, I guess this is an familiar topic for you and you give your best idea to answering the question..
I will give you some suggest for the coheren of your idea...

1. The media provides good and bad information for society, this is your main idea right ?? it is not clear whether you explain about popular people or common people. It is too general for topic sentence...may be it will be compatible if you put in the part of conclusion...

2. In this conclusion "To sum up, the media needs to report the life styles or activities of popular people if the information has good values and positive impacts for people. Moreover, the media has to balance with conveying inspiring stories, so people can imitate the ideas or spirits." you wrote the simple sentence, but it is like a recomendation. The right way is you have to explain more spesific your thesis statement with compare of your body paragraph..

Thankyou..


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Famous People Like Celebrities or Athletes Almost Are Reported by The Media
ⓘ Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms for professional help:

Best Writing Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳