Unanswered [21] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

My father wanted doctor profession for me; subject without opportunity to study

sandipsinh 37 / 90 3  
Mar 11, 2014   #1
If you could study a subject that you have never had the opportunity to study, what would you choose? Explain your choice, using specific reasons and details.

Students chooses subject to study as per their interest or on the basis of scope course has after pursuing it. But all of those student desire to study a special subject that they are not able to learn alike our several underachieved goals and hobbies. Similarly, if given a chance I would like to study medial stream, as my family always wanted me to be doctor.

My father always wanted me consider doctor profession that something enlightens desire of studying medical course but my choice contracted by my learning Management. My father wanted to provide me and my sibling higher education to secure our future. He always emphasized on getting better education more than achieving materialized wishes. Despite every family members protest against educating daughters, he served us with best possible facilities, life and education. He wanted us to be indifferent then other alike him. To fulfill his desire of me earning doctor's degree I would like to study Medical course.

I have studied management as per my interest although i somewhere was in quandary about my choice of subject. I would wish to learn medical course to set an example in my family for growing cousins. To earn fame and name in my society. To experience that fascinating wish of operating people and saving their lives. After being growing big to maturity level I realized, how pleasurable and noble profession is of doctors. As it is said "many are wonderful creations of god but none alike human"- an imagination of saving a life created by god boost me to study it doctors course at once. One of my friend is a very good example of fulfilling his desire of studying course relevant to medical - despite being form management field she studied Nursing as she did not get admission in medical college after her 12th grade due to low mark.

Everybody has their situations and limitations to choose their career, some chooses certain realm because of its great job opportunities and financial gain, so other some are forced to do so. All profession are best as far as it interests you and can be successful in that.
uzboy 9 / 29  
Mar 11, 2014   #2
If I am not wrong, in the first sentence 'Students chooses' should be 'Students choose' due to grammar.
OP sandipsinh 37 / 90 3  
Mar 11, 2014   #3
Yeah i think you are right - thanks champ.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Mar 11, 2014   #4
First, I've got to make an admin request from you - I found this thread in Scholarship essays forum and I transferred it to Writing Feedback forum which is the appropriate forum for TOEFL essays. Make sure open your new threads in the right forum :)

Students chooses subject

... wrong grammar :(
Student chooses / Students choose
jon_snow 8 / 28 5  
Mar 11, 2014   #5
i think your second reason is not strong enough. You already took your higher education on Management despite protest of your family members. And by doing so, you have already established an example to your family as well as to your cousin. So your second reason is actually redundant. Moreover, after reading your 2nd body para it seems to me that you are not completely satisfy with your path. However, you said you choose management over medical and it was your decision in your 1st body para. I think your 2 body para contradicts your own words.

To get ride of this kind of ambiguity, i suggest you to give different reason, may be a reason which involves outside of your family. it could be your friend, acquaintance or anything... my point is don't give similar types of reasons. Furthermore, if you could not come up with different reason, i mean, if you could not think any reason outside your family then describe different scenario, give different example. i personally believe, providing different scenario is easier than come up with different reason.

The best part is you writing is good. There are some typo (in my opinion) in your essay. And my fellow commentators already discuss about that. Despite those, your writing is good. By the way, I suggest you to follow a particular format for toeft. This will give more structural shape of your essay. however, you followed a structure but what i meant to say is more detail format. Structure for intro, each body para and conclusion. However, all of this depends on your flexibility. If you feel more comfortable in free writing then no need to write based on format. Just give it a try, let see which works for you best.

wish you all the best :)

Home / Writing Feedback / My father wanted doctor profession for me; subject without opportunity to study