'man make homes women make houses'
It is widely accepted that "man make homes women make houses". In medieval aeon, where men needed to fulfil financial culpabilities and women tend to known as domestic engineers that time, motherhood was more emphasise; however, scenario has been completely changed since last few decades. Ostensibly, I postulate that to raise a child, both fathers and mothers role is equally significant. In this essay, I will be delineating on that viewpoint.
Whilst ,considering recent times scenario where women are not bound to four walls and started earning like. Likewise, man has started sharing household duties. In this case there should be joint agreement about raising a child and dividing tasks. Such as : to pick up a child from school, making him do his homework, changing diapers, and so forth. Father is doing all his moral duties to raise a child. Moreover, to nurture kid properly, economic stability is prerequisite .So instead of, only deciding by lady, it may discussed with male figure and then come to conclusion about conceiving baby.
Another perspective of mine is, although women tend to suffer more both mentally and physically during pregnancy. Albeit, to cultivate good frame of mind on juvenile ,both parents presence place indispensable part. For an instance mother can imprint value of relations, cleanliness and other essential daily skills. Whereas, fathers impose hardships, patience and professional dexterity. Hence, rather than defining to only one person to raise a child, it is necessary to have both parents influence to make munchkin not only emotionally but also physically capable.Otherwise,It may deteriorate child's growth.
Thus to recapitulate this essay, despite of, abolish an idea of putting whole amenability on women's shoulder. It is time to recognize pivotal role played by father too.
Hi! After reading carefully your essay, I would like to give you some comments.
Firstly, I was confused in the second paragraph or the body 1. It seems to be lack of coherence among sentences
- dividing tasks. Such as => diving tasks such as...
and then, when you want to write about another case that father takes the main role of nurture kids and mother is responsible for earning money, you should have a connective word such as "In another case"... While you analyze your point, you should demonstrate how these can support for the topic sentence.
it may be discussed
Entire the essay, you have a lot of mistakes related to grammar.
Moreover, the way you put commas, punctuations have problems too.
- despite of, abolish => abolishing an idea of putting the whole ... shoulder. It => , it is time to ...
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15460 Wow! You are using so many archaic words in his essay that the examiner will definitely see how you are trying to impress him with your memorized knowledge of the English dictionary. I do not mean that in a good way. Your essay sounds like you are orating rather than giving a modern day opinion of the discussion topic. You are not writing an 18th century paper. So why are you trying to sound like one? There is no natural sound to this paper at all. You are going to have the examiner reaching for a dictionary, trying to figure out what it is you are trying to say. As others would say, SPEAK ENGLISH! When that is said, you should know that you went overboard with your dictionary usage. That, is the main problem with your first paragraph. You will not score better for using obsolete English words. Throw away the dictionary and use everyday English words. You will score better in the LR and GRA section if you are better understood using modern English words. You will score less using ancient English because you just may end up using it in the wrong or an exaggerated manner. I know the words you used sounded impressive, but that is not enough reason to use such hyperbolic words in an essay that looks at how you use everyday English to express yourself.
Listen, make your opinion clear at the very beginning. Simply state if you agree or disagree with the essay. It will be better for your score to have a definite position rather than straddling the line. The examiners score you on the clarity of your position. That means, you pick one side and stick to it. Either you agree or disagree with the presentation. If you say that you agree with both sides, or that the discussion of both sides are balanced, then you do not have a clear opinion. You only have reasoning considerations, which are totally different from having an opinion. It like you are saying "Yes but no." In which case, the question becomes "So which is it? Yes or no?" See? There is no opinion response provided, only a consideration response. Both your reasons will be better scored if you can present both a public and personal opinion that shows the strength of your belief in your opinion.
