[b][b]could someone check this ielts essay for me, and could you please let me know what i need to improve thanks.
"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are
solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up."
The most imperative part of any person life is childhood. In the childhood parents play vital role in their growing. Parents are always become their first teacher. In the past time this role mostly played by someone's mother. because all the financial obligation full filled by men (father). women(mother) had time to spent with their children. But now world has been changing with alarming rates. women are also working almost in every field. They have a lot of responsibilities and they are running out of time, so that's why fathers have now same obligation as much as mothers have.
on my point of view this protagonist has been divided in two person mother and father. in initial age toddler need both of them. Parents make solid base which help their infant throughout his/her life. In this prevailing world men have to work hard as well as longer hours. A child need a time and love from their parents, but some it gets very hard for to give a time to the family.
Money is not a everything but you need money for anything. father works hard to give the better shape to financial system in the family. It is a father obligation to make sure is child is safe?, is he/she getting adequate education?
on the other hand toddler has emotional relation with her mother. mother help them to mature in emotional. for instance, whenever i need something i always asked my mother rather than my father.
for illustration both are pillar for their infant. there ways are different but objective is same to make him/her best in world
Don't forget to capitalize the first word of every sentence.
In the past,
time this role was mostly played by someone's mother, because all the financial obligation belonged to the men. Women had more time to spend with their children, because the less sophisticated society of th past was oppressive to women and limited their possibilities.
You did a great job of explaining how the role of the father is important not only for fathers but also for the empowerment of women.
Father works hard to give the better shape to financial system in the family. It is a father's obligation to make sure is child is safe and that he/she getting adequate education?
On the other hand, a toddler has emotional relationship with her mother. Mother helps to promote emotional d evelopment.
For instance, whenever I needed something I always asked my mother rather than my father.