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The figure of travelling abroad by Japanese tourists and how many of them are coming to Australia

onkileung1124 1 / -  
Dec 28, 2018   #1

Japanese tourists travelling abroad, Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market

The bar chart and line graph illustrate the figure travelling abroad and proportion coming to Australia of Japanese tourists from 1985 to 1995.

Generally, it is noticeable that Japanese tourists going abroad for travelling increased significantly about 10 millions over decade shown. It is clear that percentage of Japanese visiting to Australia enhanced 6% in 1995 in comparison with 1985.

In 1985, there was about 5 millions visitor travelling foreign country and no one has been to Australia. By contrast in 1990 the number of traveler rose rapidly over 11 millions and who traveled to Australia also increased about 4%, which enhanced for 6 millions and 4%.

In 1995, the Japanese of visiting abroad was the highest, the growth of rate about 15 millions which enhanced 4 millions in comparison with 1990. However, although the proportion of trip to Australia both 1994 and 1995 were the highest at around 6%, in 1995 slightly lower than in 1994. The growth of rate in these two years was also higher than in 1990.

nxuanloc 1 / 3  
Dec 28, 2018   #2
There are some grammar mistake: I will note for you some of the mistakes

First: 10 million people --> NOT 10 millions
Second: you should add the article "the" before " percentage" in the second paragraph line 1
Third: Paragraph 3 line 1: travelers NOT traveler
And there are some sentences in your writing task that I find it difficult to understand. But your structure is very easy to understand
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,647 3480  
Dec 29, 2018   #3
The summary overview of your presentation should be at least 3 lines since there are several information points that need to be presented. Aside from the type of illustrations and indicated figures, your year coverage information must be supported by the type of measurements such as represented by the percentage coming to Australia and numbers travelling abroad. An example of a more appropriate summary overview is:

Two illustrations, a bar chart and line graph have been provided for comparison purposes. The bar graph indicates the number of Japanese tourists who travel in general, based in a million person count. The line graph supports the first measurement by focusing on the percentage of Japanese travelers that come to the country. both charts show an increasing measure for both types of data formats.

You need to be uniform when it comes to your paragraph presentation. While you do provide the equivalent of 4 paragraphs, your paragraphs need to be composed of sentence presentations numbering from 3-5 each. That is the formal requirement that can help you achieve the best possible scoring considerations overall.

What I see from your work is a potential to be able to write an analytical report essay that will be worthy of more than just a passing score in the future. With more practice, you will be able to do that. There are no real grammatical issues that would impede your achieving a decent C&C score, although the problems could lower the GRA score. The C&C score would be average for this type of work since your ideas per paragraph were clear to the reader. You tried to vary your word usage, which was a good attempt but next time, you should try to use simple words that are more appropriate for the sentence you are developing.

I am wondering though where you got the idea that the measurements were being done over a 20 year / 2 decade / per decade basis. I don't see an indication of that in the graph. Was it given as part of the instruction statement? If so, then good job!

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