Finacial Aid VS Practical Aid And Advice

Q: Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organizations, while others think that it is practical aid an advice that is needed. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Finding a better solution

Nowadays, developing countries, especially those that are not affluent, are searching for financial aid from developed ones owing to economical increase. Nevertheless, I myself tend to think that it is somehow far better for those countries to ask for practical help and useful advices from international organizations.

It has been a hot debate that the financial help is a suitable way for impoverished countries since it provides money as a solution for an array of issues. For instance, a country facing starvation can produce the number of people who are being killed by hunger by receiving money and apply food as well as clothing or a better condition for them to inhabit. However, everything has its own pros and cons. Receiving financial help is nothing but to raise your debt with the international organizations. In other words, financial help is just a short-term solution compared to practical help.

Financial help has its massive good aspects that make it becomes prevalent, but in my opinion, advice and practical aid is outweighed in many ways. Although practical help is complicated to progress and need a long time to conduct, it is somehow a long-term solution for countries that are facing with poverty. It helps the government and also the civilians gaining the awareness of solving all the issues by themselves. For example, in Japan, everyone was taught to face with earthquake by a myriad of ways and to deal with the problem of recovering the city after that disaster. By doing this, both the government and the citizens get used to the catastrophe and their country still highly develop despite the frequently earthquake.

In conclusion, the financial aid provides many merits but it is just a short-term solution to face with poverty. Governments should concentrate on advice and practical aid for a long-term solution one from international organizations, which somehow is a better way to get rid of poverty and difficulty developing countries are facing.

Anais, the paraphrasing and summary for your essay is faulty. While the original prompt indicates that you should indicate a discussion of the two sides, along with your own opinion, you did not do that in your representative statement. You merely offered a general discussion of the provided sides, in a single sentence, and then you immediately jumped into your personal opinion discussion. Which should not have been done in the opening statement.

The essay should have followed the indicated presentation in the original instructions. So it should have been:

1. Opening summary
2. Side 1
3. Side 2
4. Personal opinion
5. Concluding summary

By not following the proper discussion format, you ended up creating a personal opinion instead of a comparison discussion. As such, you adversely affected the possible score for your essay. That is because you showed a clear misunderstanding of the instructions and the discussion format. The only possible score in this instance is a 4.

@Holt
Thanks a lot for your criticism. It's such an useful feedback for me, who extremely bad at identify the topic. Could you suggest for me an opening for my essay? Because I feel quite confused right now. My teacher said that I have to state my opinion in the opening for this topic so I followed what he had said, but I btw didn't know what to write more. And I'm wondering, did you mean I have to discuss the pros and cons of those sides and state my opinion in the third paragraph? One last thing, can you point out my faulty paraphrasing? I hope you can help me. I have to take IELTS test in one or two months later and I'm really worried for my Writing Test.

One more time, thanks very much. Am I bothered you?

No bother at all Anais. I think you will see where your faulty paraphrasing came in with the example that I will be giving you for this prompt. When you are faced with a discussion of two sides and a personal opinion essay, you have to discuss the essay in the format that I provided to you in the previous thread. Always take your time in analyzing the topic and instructions you are given for the essay in order to gain a high score in the TA section. Prove that you understand the English language enough to actually follow the instructions and your score should have a chance to be higher than it would normally be. So for this prompt I would have written it this way:

These days, it is not uncommon for first world countries to help developing countries. This has led to a discussion as to the best way to actually the newly developing nations. Would it be better to give these areas of the world financial help coming from international organizations like the UN and World Bank? Or would it be better to just guide these countries by advising them on how to handle their economy so they can develop instead? In this essay, I will offer an analysis of both sides before offering my personal opinion as relevant to the discussion.

As you can see, I aimed to use the full 5 sentence allotment for the paraphrasing and opening statement. When you use the full 5 sentences per paragraph allowance, you have a tendency to better discuss the prompt and also, offer more solid explanations on your part. When it comes to scoring, there is a better chance for an increased LR and GRA score in that instance.